Homeschool Year Three: (Still) Finding our Rhythm

  

This summer, my youngest learned to swim. She can now keep herself afloat for a significant distance without a life jacket. I found myself thinking about the fact that swimming is a huge milestone, and we didn't teach her to do it. We gave tips, cheered, encouraged, but there was nothing we could do, no matter how much we wanted to, to make it happen. When she was ready and believed she could, she stayed afloat. 

I watched her process of learning to swim through a different lens because I had recently read How Children Learn, whose basic premise was: do less teaching and just let kids learn. There are so many things kids learn when they are ready, that we can only give support when they falter or when they ask-- like walking, and riding a bike. And not just physical things, but psychological/developmental growth, too, like getting over fears. (Early this summer, a friend of my son's released a crayfish into our swimming hole, and ever since, M has been clingy and nervous about where the "crab" was every time we went swimming, no matter how much we tried to reassure her that it wouldn't hurt her and had probably gone downstream by now. Yet when she was ready, it was in the space of a couple of days that she abruptly decided to stop worrying about the crayfish and learn to swim all at once.)

What about school, or "book learning?" Would my son have ever memorized all his state capitals like this-- on his own, when he was ready-- without my making him do it? Maybe, if he for some reason was inclined to do so, and maybe not...Then again, what does it really matter if he memorizes state capitals, and how long does that kind of learning last, anyway? 

I've often pondered how some kindergartners and first graders arrive at school already strong readers. But most of those same parents didn't sit down and teach them. All they did is live their literate lives, reading to their kids and talking to them, and those kids were interested enough and exposed enough to figure out reading for themselves. (As a sort of side note, this makes me think of the wild finding from the book Freakonomics that simply having a lot of books in a home-- not reading to your child every day-- correlates to a child's higher test scores in school.) 

With a lot of skills, especially when kids are young, it seems there comes a point that they want to do it enough, and are driven to try enough that they learn. How many things that we sit kids down and school them in over the years, could be learned naturally like this, when they are ready-- even quickly or all of a sudden, like my daughter's swimming?    

These are some of the big thoughts I had this summer as I anticipated our third year of homeschool. 

Then I read another book called Unschooled. This is a book that I had turned my nose up at in the past. But I was ready to see what this book was all about, even though I felt by reading it I was playing devil's advocate and it wasn't really written for the likes of me. 

But, it was another I needed to read. I don't agree with everything it said, but found myself aligned with the author and the points she was making so much more than I expected to. It made me think a lot about what an education is, versus schooling-- not one in the same. It made me think about how much freedom teachers and parents don't give kids, but maybe could: not license to do whatever they want, but freedom to make choices as long as they are respectful of others. It made me think again, more deeply than I had before, about how important it is to let kids follow their interests rather than adults always deciding for them what must be learned. It made me ponder the value of kids' time and how I want them to feel about their childhoods. 

These books, and especially Unschooled, were something of an awakening. I had had some of these ideas in the past, questioning the value of all the time kids spend on traditional schooling and on structured, scheduled activities, but I hadn't fully acknowledged all of them... 

As a teacher, I didn't see it as a big problem when families occasionally took kids out of school for family activities, even though it was formally frowned upon. I felt that an extra day with visiting grandparents from out of town or memories from a family vacation were probably more important for that child than my math or phonics lessons that particular week. 

As a working parent my son had almost no free time/down time/play time during the week. His after-school program had the kids sit and do homework immediately after giving them a snack-- and often not even actual homework, but random worksheets they photocopied to fill the time when the teachers hadn't assigned anything. I always wished instead that he could have gotten outside and burnt off steam at the end of the school day. There was so little time in his young life when he wasn't doing school and I never felt at peace with that. 

I loved when the school where I worked stopped assigning homework to all elementary students K - 5 (following guidance from research showing that it doesn't have a positive impact at that level)-- thereby doing a small part to give kids a little time in their day for other interests and for play. 

~

Two years ago, when we started homeschooling, I was doing school at home because that was comfortable and familiar. I had not set out then to "unschool" my child; I wanted him to be schooled better. I knew things about what I thought good education should be and I did those things. My teaching was consistent, it was sequential, I made sure to include everything that "should" be included for a then-4th grader, I had great programs to help do the job, we had a school-like schedule. But my view of education, and where I am as a teacher and a homeschool parent has changed. I've had a lot happen since-- a pandemic, beginning to homeschool two kids instead of one, learning the types of skills my particular kids needed to spend time practicing and those they simply didn't that we could skip, beginning to realize that the learning and the memories that have been most special and most lasting are the projects and all the other unique things we've done.  

Some time ago I started consciously trying to let my kids be in charge of the little, personal things and other decisions in their lives when possible, to help develop self-esteem and responsibility (inspired by other good books I'd read). But as homeschoolers, they have agency over more and more now. W sat with me and helped draft a list of the topics he really wants to study in history this year. They're both helping to select the types of writing they want to do. We've made pro and con lists together as we decided whether or not to register for various programs, classes, and other opportunities that have come up so far. I wanted to know their big wishes for the coming year. I always tell them that if our daily routine isn't working well, we can change it at any time to make it better.     

My son began his homeschool career in August of 2019 feeling different, and angry with me for changing his whole world. Now he's a big homeschool proponent; a child who speaks up about his education and his interests; a person whose skills, interests, and social world have expanded and diversified; who thanks me regularly for the choices I let him make and for the things we do. Seeing him being happier, seeing him literally learning how to learn and coming to care about his learning, are the biggest indicators that I am on the right track in my ongoing evolution as a homeschool parent. 

So, as we started off our new year, I had all of this in mind and also that:

I want to focus on their strengths more than their weaknesses. It is in working on something that drives them that they grow confidence, and get better at all things. I wonder if my son may be a writer, actor, comedian, animal trainer, or historian and my daughter a doctor, dancer, engineer, or musician-- or more likely something I haven't fathomed yet. I don't want to do anything to squash those current leanings of theirs, so I want to pay attention more to what feels important to them now and less to the learning sequences I've selected. I've seen that learning from interest sticks and can lead to so much more unique learning that I can't predict. I know I have to allow some big stretches of time for that.

I also know that we all benefit from some routine, and that there are some topics they may never set out to study on their own but that I want to make sure they get some regular practice in (such as math, writing).

...So my current way to make sense of all this is a homeschool schedule that is half days. I never thought I would be advocating a 4-hour school day! But half days aren't really half days; they're full days, only half scheduled with traditional school stuff. The morning is academics, mostly driven by me (albeit with their input wherever possible), while the afternoon is more driven by them and where I am test-driving the "unschooling" mentality. I wanted to give them the gift of time: a wide open afternoon every day for them to have the space to do what's important to them. 

Of course those empty afternoons quickly got sprinkled with activities: there's PE class at the local school a couple times a week, and instrument lessons, and now soccer in the evenings. It's easy to become overscheduled and I think it's a parental duty to intentionally say no to some things. But so far this schedule is working great. This schedule still allows big chunks of afternoon with which they get to decide what to do. Sometimes I offer up an art project or other activity, but in our first few weeks of school so far they have filled most afternoons with a great variety of things they've felt inspired to do-- M has crafted a birdfeeder and a train out of wood and wood glue literally all by herself, while W has fallen down rabbit holes of research into personal interests (never thought I would know so much about animal pelts, knife safety, and taxidermy...). They've both enjoyed hobbies, playing outside, reading, board games, hikes, play dates. I am not worried my kids won't learn during an unscheduled afternoon, because I know my kids. I'm always impressed by the things they dream up and accomplish when they are given uninterrupted time (and available support and resources from me as needed). The things they do don't need to have a clear, immediate purpose to me; I feel like the purpose of carving out the afternoons for them is to value their motivations and interests and see where they lead. As a grown "unschooler" says in Unschooled said, "The biggest difference between school or school-at-home and unschooling is being willing to trust the child." It's true that in general the more I've trusted my kids, the more trustworthy/productive/respectful they are. 

I know it's a privilege to be able to make decisions such as these about my kids' educations and how they spend their day-- and I'm taking advantage of it! This year feels like the right balance and a good rhythm for us so far but I'll keep you posted. Happy new (school) year to all!

Developing a Sense of Time in Young Kids

Timeline of her life so far

I've observed so many instances of young kids being confused in regard to time:

~ When my son was younger, he never knew when he woke up whether it was morning or after nap. 

~ My daughter, for the longest time, constantly mixed up the words tomorrow and yesterday; morning and afternoon; breakfast, lunch, and dinner.   

~ In many conversations with my first-grade students, they seemed unclear about when their stories from their lives had happened. Some events, like a big family trip or their last birthday, stood out, but otherwise time was an abstract, and they often had trouble sequencing and remembering, much less describing coherently. 

~ Currently M loves babies-- her doll babies, real babies, and hearing stories of when she was a baby. But babies aren't just an interest; it's like she's on a quest to understand. Frequently she'll ask a question about how she ate/slept/talked as a baby or she'll crawl around the house pretending she was "just born today." I have realized her sense of babyhood is black and white without gradations. She knows only that once she was a baby, and now she is big. 

Most young kids can't tell time on a clock, but their sense of time is also developing on a larger scale-- lack of clarity about when events happened in the past or will happen in the future, imagining all babies as crawlers who use baby talk, not recalling or understanding their own growth and development, not having an internal sense of what time of day it is or how long it takes to do things. This developing sense of time seems to be part of the package with young kids, even if they show it in different ways. I've been thinking about this idea more and more this year, spending a lot of time with a kindergartner as I do. So I thought I'd share some strategies (and a few particular activities) that I think have helped a bit.   

Calendar 

In our homeschool we don't do calendar time. (I did traditional calendar activities in the classroom for years. While it helped with rote memorization (days of the week, months of the year, counting) and was a good way to build in a lot of other math skills, I never felt it was very useful in helping kids develop a real sense of time.) But having a calendar on the wall as a visual is useful, each day in its own box. I try to write down the things of relevance to the kids on it-- appointments, birthdays, sports, family visits-- and we try to point out what day it is and talk about what is coming up. My son was ten before he had the order of the months memorized, so in trying to prevent that for M, we do sing the days of the week and say the months in order now and then. But just like the difference in math between being able to rote count vs. actually having a sense of numbers and quantities, I want her to not just be able to sing the days and months, but also to have a sense of where we are in the week or the year. We talk about each month and the types of happenings associated with it to help give it meaning and its own identity-- May, for example, being Mothers' Day and her grandfather's birthday and baseball and working in the garden and those little white wildflowers that bloom each year in our yard...  

Daily Schedule

I write out a basic schedule each day of the things we will do. I don't put time of day on it because we aren't that specific about it, but it is a list that shows the basic plan and order of school subjects and other activities. (M beelines to it every morning, full of comments and questions, and it has absolutely helped her with learning to read this year.) Some kids and some people in general need/appreciate schedules and routines more than others. My kids have both made it very clear to me that they like having this daily list and knowing what's to come. W often asks me to put things he wants to remember to do on it. M even asks us sometimes to write the schedule on the weekend-- and while we don't usually have as clear an agenda on a Saturday or Sunday, we honor her request by writing down any plans or hopes for the day in this same central place.  

Talk, Talk, Talk 

Both my kids benefit from the preparation of talking about an event before it happens-- what time of day we will need to leave, who will be there, what we'll do there. Talking with kids about things past, present, and future as well as taking the time to explain things and answer their questions honestly is probably the most important thing on this list. Recently, M asked me, "Did I draw like this when I was a baby?" and did a curly scribble on a paper. I told her that when she was first born she couldn't pick anything up so she wouldn't have made any marks with a crayon. The conversation grew from there and she was fascinated, asking about different ages and trying to recreate examples as I described the colorful scribbles she'd made at two, the people with just a head and legs she'd drawn at four, and the detailed expressive pictures she makes now. We've had a similar conversation regarding different stages of other abilities as well-- eating, walking, bike riding-- and she always seems to eagerly soak it up, like an anthropologist studying her own past.   

Photo Albums

Whenever M asks to look at a family photo album with us at bedtime rather than just reading a book, it takes a lot longer because she discusses every picture and asks so many questions. But she is earnestly studying photos of the past and trying to mentally put things together, and these conversations are so important for her. (Also, since she constantly wants to hear baby stories about herself, the photos help us remember specific anecdotes to tell.) A couple of times this year, I have also gotten out some much older photos-- from before our kids were born and even from our own childhoods. We had all sorts of conversations about those photos, too. I think older photo albums of people in her life help to provide a rare visual of how people grow and change (since in the short lifetime of a young kid, grown-ups are always grown-ups and kids are always kids), and also to help develop a bigger sense of past and present.   

Artifacts from her Own Life

While some of M's memories (and those of other young kids I've known) are so vivid and specific, I am always amazed at how little she remembers of other times from her life. She told me the other day she couldn't remember what her preschool looked like-- and her memories of daycare when she was two and three, at least that she can relate to us, are even more vague. (The daycare before that, up until she was two, seems not a part of her memory at all.) But I guess in the span of her life, even a year ago is a long time and what is current is much more real. One thing we've done is to save and/or display the things that were important to her at different ages-- the photo album her daycare provider gave to her on her last day, preschool artwork, her first practice chart documenting 100 days of practicing the violin, her own writing pieces from earlier this year. It's nice to look through these artifacts from time to time and talk about them. While they may not cause her to remember those times of her life fully, they are physical evidence of her growth over time, and maybe help fill in some gaps so she can connect the dots of the story of her life so far.

Compare Lengths of Time to Known Quantities

Time is tricky and even if I spoke in specific minutes and referred to the time on the clock all the time, I don't think it would sink in till she was a bit older. Often when I say we'll do something "in five minutes" or some other length of time, M will ask me, "How long is that?" because she really doesn't know. (This may also explain why telling her we need to leave in one minute doesn't seem to have any effect in causing her to move any faster.) When saying a length of time, I try to think of something she has a good sense of to compare it to. If something is two hours, it's the length of a drive to visit grandparents; if it is twenty minutes we compare it to the length of an episode of Daniel Tiger; two minutes is the length of time to brush your teeth. After hearing an analogy like this, she nods and I see a sense of understanding.

Projects about her Own Growth and Stages 

The two fun projects below are things I incorporated into M's homeschool day over recent months.

Making Books: 

We read a few stories that had a theme of growing and memories of the past. One good one was Birthday Presents, by Cynthia Rylant, which tells the story of a young child's growth through her parents' descriptions of her birthday celebrations each year. Another was When I was Little, by Jamie Lee Curtis, which follows a basic pattern of "When I was little..." on one page followed by "Now..." on the next page. 

Both of these books were written in a patterned format, and I had M borrow the patterns from them to write about her own life. She especially seems to treasure the book she created about her birthdays. I printed out a few photos from the day she was born and from each birthday since for her to choose from, then cut and arrange on a page and use to spark her writing and memories. We spent quite a while making it and discussing all the photos. (It was fun to let her play around with some of the photos before putting them in the book and try to put pictures of herself in age order, too.) The other book she made is equally sweet, with lines like, "When I was little I crawled. Now I can walk and dance." She chose the topics about which she wanted to compare then vs. now and they were things like making music, skiing, and the length of her hair. 

"When I was born I was too too too cute! I had a bath in the sink..."

"When I turned 1 I stayed home from daycare. I had a pink and white raspberry cake."

"When I was little my hair was teensy."

 

"Now my hair is long."

Timeline of her Life so Far: 

This past winter I tore some paper off her art easel and I laid it out across the floor. I drew a long line and helped mark out sections, and label each mark with her ages in years. I had M name some important things that had happened in her life so far, and then I told her where to put them on the line. It was neat to hear her observations while making it. It makes a cute thing to display in her room, and hopefully helps her understand her past. 

No doubt M will develop a more mature sense of time on her own, one way or another, as all kids do eventually. But she has such an interest in her past right now, so we've had fun capitalizing on that with some of these activities and conversations over the last several months. 

Finding our New Groove for Year Two: Homeschool Schedule and Space

One thing I've always loved about teaching is that you get a fresh start at the beginning of every year. As I begin our second year of homeschool this year, I feel that same sense of renewal. 

We had a great first year of homeschool last year, but we're in a pretty different place as we start year two. For one, it doesn't feel as surreal to be spending each day with my own children-- though I'll never take that for granted. 

Also, last year my son struggled with several things: in the very beginning he had a rough time with the idea of not being in school with his peers. Last year was one of the first times he was asked to do challenging work that required real effort, and we unfortunately debated a bit about that, but we also worked hard to find strategies to help him focus better. Now that this is more of a way of life for us and he's past the difficulty of the transition, he frequently talks about the perks of homeschooling and how much he likes it. W's not surprised or irritated by the work I ask him to do. He's become so much more confident and responsible and self-driven, and he's proud of that. The good start we've had to year two is in no small part because he has fully adjusted to homeschool. 

Then there's me. Coming from years in a school system and my own education there, it took me a long time to fully realize that at home we often could and should do things differently.  

And the biggest change of all: last year I was homeschooling just one fourth grader; this year both my kids (a kindergartner and now-fifth grader) are home. I am finding myself thankful that I was able to start with one kid and then transition to homeschooling both my kids, especially with their disparate ages. My five-year-old is so excited to "do kindergarten" every day. Just this weekend she worked out a word on a hiking trail sign and then exclaimed, "See, I knew I could do it! I'm doin' kindergarten!!" as she punched the air and marched off ahead of us down the trail. Her spunky energy for learning and growing is contagious, and we're all delighted by the big-kid skills she is soaking up at lightning speed recently, from shoe tying to bike riding to spelling words phonetically.

This year we aren't doing everything differently from last year, but we've made some changes. I've chosen some new curricula (and opted out of buying curriculum in some cases), changed the space in our house that we use, and breathed new air into the routine we follow each day. I'm loving the new groove we are finding together this year and thought I'd share about it.

Schedule

It seems there are as many ways of scheduling the day as there are homeschool families; it all depends on your philosophy. A few weeks ago, I listed some of my own current guiding principles for making a schedule. We went through several revisions of our daily routine last year simply due to changes that came up. Over the summer, I put a ton of thought into what our new schedule would be. One of my big questions had been, how do I teach two kids, at very different ages, while giving them both the attention they need, and without me going crazy? Staggered lesson times has been the answer (see below for details). 

I've been asking the kids their input regularly on what they like about school so far and what they wish was different. I want us all to feel good about the day. I try to convey to them something I learned last year-- we can always change the routine, so they can always tell me if they have ideas of better ways to do things.  

When I made the schedule, I sketched in time frames for everything just to make sure it was feasible (for example, "8:30 - 9:15 math"). Then I removed those exact times before I printed it. My oldest, especially, really likes to know what to expect for the day and looks at it regularly. I didn't want him, or me, being too driven by being "on time" or "behind" or "ahead." I wanted us to keep our priorities straight by focusing instead on learning, finding good stopping points, and completing quality work. It is working. Sometimes we've decided something is just too much/too long and we'll put it on the agenda for the next day, but for the most part, math or anything else is done when it's done each day, and then we move on to the next thing. Our schedule is more about the order and flow of things, and less about where you can find us at any given time. Below is my current "master" version with both kids on it. (I hung on the wall one copy with only W's columns on it and one copy with only M's columns on it, so they each have an individual version they can look at which is a little less busy.) 

Notes: W's columns are color-coded by subject, but M's aren't. I wanted to see when each subject was during the week but didn't have enough colors to do this distinctly for two kids so her columns are unhighlighted just to help them stand apart. Also: we have done other stuff and will do lots more stuff that isn't on this schedule this year-- hikes, field trips, appointments. We aren't locked into this, but it gives us a framework that we follow for the "normal" days. 

What I love about our schedule so far: 

• Morning gathering time together after breakfast. I got the idea of homeschool "morning time" from homeschool blogs all over the internet, and adapted it for us. The big idea is that this is time for all of us to do shared things together to start the day. It sets the tone for the day. It's easy and accessible for everybody. We've studied some artwork during this time (they are loving spotting the details in the book Can You Find It?). I've read aloud some picture books and portions of nonfiction books (we love The Outside Story which gives a week-by-week poetic synopsis of notable plant and animal happenings outdoors in our part of the world). We've practiced memorizing things that are just important to know or relevant to something we are studying (the first thing we worked on was the months of the year because somehow, my 5th grader was not yet solid on the order of the "-ber" months, and followed that up with learning the "30 days hath September..." poem). I use it as a time to fit in anything I am not getting to otherwise-- a news story I've saved to share with them, a picture or video shared by a friend, a necessary conversation or finishing touch on a project. Start of the day is a nice time for odds and ends and general enrichment. 
• The bulk of our day is in the morning. We're all most alert in the morning. It feels good to take care of the core subjects-- reading, writing, math-- as well as several other smaller things by lunchtime. 
• We don't even attempt to do everything every day. Core subjects are four times a week, other things are three or less. I prefer quality over quantity, finishing over being rushed.
• Staggered learning blocks. Of course, there are parts of the day we do together, like art projects. But for the core subjects my 5- and 10-year-old need different things. So in general, during each core chunk of time, I start off working with my oldest first, spending about ten minutes with him, while my youngest plays. She understands she's not supposed to interrupt during the brief time I am focused on her brother. When I'm done working with him, he goes off to write or do math practice or whatever the work consists of independently (usually into the next room). Then I call M over and work with her for most of the rest of that chunk of work time (which might consist of reading with her, or playing math games, or working on letters and sounds). As a kindergartner she can not work independently for long, and the learning activities she needs to do are mostly interactive and dependent on my presence. When I have a moment, I go check on W briefly and answer any questions he has. She has more playtime during the day this way, which feels right. I get one on one time with both of them this way. Lessons are to the point with my oldest this way and can't drag on and on, which is great for both of us. The overall time my fifth grader is spending on any one subject is greater than my kindergartner, which also feels right. (This might not feel so perfect if my kids were closer in age, but it works for us right now!) 
• Outside time before lunch every day. We all need fresh air and exercise and I've been making sure we drop all work, whether it's done or not, by a certain point late morning and get outside for a good chunk of time. I hope to keep doing this no matter how cold or wet it may be some days. We plan bigger hikes and big excursions other times, but this is a time to run around, visit the brook, go for a walk, or play a game outside, and it benefits us all. 
• A nice long lunch time (~an hour) that is realistic and unhurried. This is especially good because several days a week, my husband works from home and lunchtime is a time they love to catch up with him, show him recent accomplishments, or just spend time with him.
• Brief yoga (or meditation or mindfulness) exercises after lunch to settle and refocus for the last part of the day. We like Mind Yeti (you can access some of their activities for free on their web site as well as their YouTube channel), and sometimes Cosmic Yoga (for yoga or mindfulness), or we just do some poses or activities that we all know. We usually spend no more than five minutes on this, but it's nice that it's becoming a habit. Even if W might grumble about doing it sometimes, he settles in once we start and I feel like it is doing him good to grow a repertoire of these sorts of strategies. Just the other day he told me he had used a breathing activity we had done to help him go to sleep at night. 
• Our afternoons are slower with more time to dive into things. We do just science OR social studies and then something else-- music, art, or project time (see below). I am enjoying trying a routine where every day all of one week we do science, then every day the next week we do social studies, and so on. It's the same amount of total time I would have scheduled for those subjects anyway, but it's been nice to keep up momentum on one topic all week rather than alternate days as I've done in the past. And it's nice for my planning purposes to not have to switch gears all the time to be ready for one then the other. 
• Project time! I will post more about this separately, because we are all loving it. Three days a week, the last hour of the school day is devoted to pursuing the kids' own choice of projects and topics. We've been doing some exciting stuff during this time that I can't wait to share about. I also love that project time is the last chunk of the day, because if they are really into it they can keep doing what they are doing as long as they want to, which has happened several times. 

Space 

Last year we had a devoted homeschool space. It was a small spare room upstairs that we didn't use for much other than storage. It worked for us pretty well last year. But, my husband now works from that room several days a week. Also, I couldn't see staying in one room most of the day with two kids, or having them on different floors doing different things while I ran back and forth. 

So we moved out of that space and into the part of our home where we live the most. We have the materials all stored in a central cabinet. Each kid has a cubby that is specifically all of their stuff-- their own best pencils, their own workbooks and writing folder. I have supplies for general use in another  couple of cubbies, and my teaching materials in the top cubbies. Things we use less often or that I want to have more control over (like glitter and the glue gun) and in drawers below out of sight. 

The dining room table is our home base where most of the actual lessons happen. (Our big table comes in handy because a few school things that are in progress can be left out and we still have the other end to eat at.) But the work happens wherever it makes sense-- the table, the floor, the couch, or even outside a few times so far in good weather. We're finding that certain work in certain locations works best, but I like including the kids in those choices and working that out naturally. 

Recently my son described how he loves to do math pages sitting on the couch next to our dog: "...When there's a problem that frustrates me, I just pet him and that calms me down and then I can figure it out." He summarized by saying, "I just love how homeschool is like, so loose, but I feel like I'm learning so much." 

That's become my homeschool motto that I want to live by all year: keep it loose while making sure they are learning a lot.  

In the next post, I'll share about the curricula we are using this year and why we chose what we chose...

Homeschooling: How to Start

School districts are starting this school year in all different ways: all-remote learning, hybrid learning (specific days/parts of the day in-school and some remote), and some offering families a choice among these options. No matter how the school year starts, it could change at any moment depending on assessments of the pandemic. A lot of parents are understandably worried about the disruption in learning that the likely switching among these learning modes may cause. Many families are considering homeschooling right now, scary and unknown though that may be, because they want some control and consistency in their child's education. I get that.

We frequently marvel at the fate or luck that brought us to choose homeschooling over a year ago. Our family's experience last spring when all the children were sent home, and this summer as so many have been on tenterhooks, has been different from most. I decided to homeschool over a year ago because we actively wanted to. I had months to research math programs, think about how the roles of "teacher" and "student" might affect my relationship with my son, and to talk until late at night about what my schedule and approach should be. I'm no homeschool expert but starting any new venture is the hardest and where you find the most obvious kinks, and we're happy to have already survived that part! I look forward to our second full year of homeschooling with optimism and a greater sense of calm than I had last year at this time. If you've decided to go the do-it-yourself route and homeschool, here are some tips from my perspective a year in.

Homeschooling: How to Start

Consider your approach. Think about the big picture. You get to decide. What is your philosophy about what education should be? What do you wish your years of schooling had felt, and what is it you really want for your children? How do they each learn best? Like everything else, you don't have to have this all hammered out in order to start, but it's worth giving thought to and having conversations about. Answers to those questions will inform your overall approach and from there your schedule and day-to-day functioning.

There are several distinct styles of homeschooling with different names that families might choose depending on what they value. For me it comes down to a spectrum between "unschooling" at one extreme and traditional schooling at the other. Unschooling is essentially the idea that life is learning, that kids should be kids and free to follow their interests and learn in an organic way as things come up. Traditional schooling is replicating school at home. Unschooling vs. traditional schooling is a choice between little structure and a lot of structure, between kids having a say in everything about their learning or little, between having no schedule and having a rigid schedule, between seeing the world as your classroom and creating a classroom in your home. In thinking about where you fit along this spectrum, I think one key is to accept that it's reasonable to start where you are comfortable. (It was sort of inevitable that I started with a pretty traditional approach last year, coming from teaching in a public school for years. As I approach year two, I find myself edging a bit more toward the middle of this unschool-traditional school spectrum.) Think about what philosophy feels right for you and your family.

Find out what the homeschooling requirements are in your state. Each state is different. We live in New Hampshire. The main things I have to account for are a letter I send to the superintendent over the summer stating our intention to homeschool, which he signs and returns, and a choice among a few options for an end-of-year evaluation to demonstrate learning. Last year we chose a pencil-and-paper mail-order standardized test because it seemed easiest at that point. That's it. Our neighbor, Vermont, has more detailed requirements in comparison, but they sound doable. The Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) has really helpful overviews by state. To double check and feel you have your bases covered, also visit your state Department of Education's web site (here is New Hampshire's) and find the link for homeschooling or "home education." There you'll find any rules and regulations that exist. Once you've gotten a sense for the things you absolutely must do, you can relax a little. Or at least, you can reassure yourself that any pressure you feel is self-induced.   

Choose a space. Do you want and have an extra space in your home where you can store the books and papers and other school supplies, where you will do school work, and where you will be able to post a few posters or visuals as needed? There are advantages to this. It keeps all the school stuff out of the rest of the house and helps to define school time and free time. OR, on the other hand it's nice to ultimately blur the lines between learning and life. Kids need to do quality work whether they're in a classroom or not, and maybe it's good for them to learn through trial and error that it helps to do certain work at the table rather than on the couch, or in the morning rather than the afternoon. If you do school in the lived-in parts of your home, they can be involved in those choices, and see their impact, and learn more about themselves.

Get a feel for what your child "should" learn this year. Regardless of what you may have heard about the Common Core State Standards (CCSS), they're adopted by over forty states, and give a pretty comprehensive overview of reading, writing, and math by grade. Read through the CCSS for your child's grade (and glance at the grades above and below) and get a feel for the things your child would be learning if they were in school this year. That said, don't get stressed by it or bogged down in the nitty gritty. Save the link to the standards to look over from time to time as a reference. Also, recognize that it's okay if your child is in 4th grade but doing 3rd grade work in some areas and 5th grade work in others. You can provide work that's at whatever stage they are at. I think it's just good to be aware of.

List the subjects to be taught or studied. As far as academics, your child will need to do at least the "three Rs" (reading, writing, and math). Perhaps also science, social studies, spelling and grammar (upper elementary) or phonics (primary grades), art, music, sports or exercise. You could add things left and right because the possibilities in homeschooling are endless: foreign language, cooking, computer coding, dance, knot tying, learning an instrument, or just following your kids' lead based on whatever interests spark. You won't be able to do everything (it's amazing how the time fills up even when you have the whole day), but you will be able to have your kids do and learn things they wouldn't be able to in school and they'll be excited about that and you'll feel good about it. Don't let the possibilities overwhelm you. Start with the basics and add things in from there.

Choose which programs, if any, you will use to help you teach. Once you know the subject areas your child will study, you have to decide where the day-to-day lessons and activities will come from. You can design them yourself from scratch, research online and pull ideas and resources from different places, or a program-- or boxed curriculum-- can do this.

Sometimes "programs" get a bad rap. Maybe people imagine that with a packaged, store-bought curriculum teachers become robots just turning the page each day and parroting what the book says. But good programs are the result of a lot of research and testing. They incorporate good practices as well as the standards, making sure to "hit" all the things within a topic that are important. There is still plenty of room for putting your stamp on learning-- from how you present it to deciding what to use and what to skip. But they can provide peace of mind especially if it's not your area of strength or inspiration.

There are programs out there claiming to provide a year's worth of lessons and activities in every possible area if you just buy the books or subscribe online. You don't need most of it, and homeschooling doesn't have to cost much. For me personally, I feel it's important to have a math program (we've used Singapore Math). I like knowing my bases are covered with all the little skills and the sequence of skills the kids need to get experience with in math. I also appreciate having something to guide us through science. I couldn't dream up all the good, hands-on, inexpensive activities that Mystery Science guides us through even if I spent all my planning time on science. On the other hand, I don't feel a program is necessary for me to teach reading or writing or social studies or art or music in homeschool. But that's just me. Think about in what areas you have more confidence, and in which areas you have less. Shop for programs to help in the latter.

One other note: I find the idea of homeschool "all-in-one" curricula limiting and too risky. How does any company know "all" I want to teach my kids? I like to pick and choose each resource for the subjects I need. There are sites that review homeschool products and curriculum, such as Cathy Duffy Reviews. But I also don't like to limit myself to just homeschool-specific products. I do general searches for the types of curriculum I want and choose what's best as long as it's affordable and will work at home, whether it's marketed for homeschool or not.

Make a curriculum map. This is something my principal first asked my fellow teachers and me to do about ten years ago. At first it just felt like a lot of work. But now it's an ingrained habit that I can't drop. Essentially it entails making a grid (I use a Google Drive Spreadsheet) and mapping out when during the year you will teach/study what. I put the months of the school year across the top and subjects down the left-hand side. Then I plug in bits and pieces where they make sense throughout the year. Include your kids' interests in your planning, even though more interests will come up throughout the year. You could even add an extra-curricular row to keep track of the "extra" things you hope to do with them or make time for the to do on their own. Of course things will change. You'll get behind in some areas or move faster than you thought through others. But it gives you a nice broad picture of the year-- what you've already covered and where you're going. I find myself checking in with it regularly and glad I took the time to think it through before the year started. Here's a blank version of ours from last year:

Make a schedule or a routine. I started with a pretty intense, detailed schedule last year and I'm edging toward a slightly calmer, more doable routine for year two. As I think through which kid can be doing what when, I need to consider start and end times to be able to gauge what's realistic, but then I might erase them from the written routine we go by; I don't want any of us to get focused on exactly what time it is or on being ahead of or behind schedule. Some days math or science may take more or less time, but we'll always read for about the same length of time each day. It's more about accomplishing the goal or finishing the work for the day. Everyone benefits from some amount of routine. Some (kids and adults) in particular work well with predictable routine and clear structure. Think about what works for you and what works for your kids. Would they benefit from a schedule of when each thing should happen or can you let them choose when to do some things? Which things can they do independently and which do they need your time and help on to get started? Some principles I am trying to work into my plan for this year's basic schedule are as follows:

Do what we can together (art and music for sure, and I know many homeschool families do shared science and social studies as well or fun little community-building activities like memorizing a poem or listening to read aloud).

Do core subjects in the morning when energy is high and save the fun stuff (like art projects or whatever is seen as fun and easy) for later in the day.

Build in breaks in your schedule or have a routine of a regular 5-minute break between subjects.

Build in outdoor time before lunch to work up an appetite.

Consider regular mindfulness or yoga or meditation or other quiet time for a few minutes after lunch to refocus and resettle before the rest of the day.

You don't need to do everything every day, but for core subjects four times a week is important. For things like spelling or science, in elementary school three times a week may be enough.

Other tips/reminders/encouragement:

Be a parent first. When there comes a moment to decide whether to do what you think a teacher would or should do or say, and what a caring parent might do (and there will be those moments, every day), always be the parent. There are not hats coming on and off; you are always Mom or Dad to them. If your relationship is struggling, so will everything else about their learning.

Remember you don't need to try to replicate school. Homeschool is not the same as school, or whatever our memory or image of school is. Homeschooling is something beautiful and different. Nothing says math is best done at a desk. It may be best on a clipboard on a couch next to your dog. There are things about the traditional school environment that are not ideal. You can let go of those things. Embrace all the things that are great about kids being at home to learn-- the time you have with them, the ability to take breaks when needed, their developing sense of agency, the right to quiet when they want it. You can make sure you give your kids more help when they need it and more of a challenge when they need it, and give them whatever special tools or structures or visuals you find they need in order to do their best work. They can learn to get along with their siblings rather than be separated from them all day. Kids can be more involved in household chores and family routines because there isn't the daily rush to get out the door. They can spend time learning other things that are important to them or your family. 

You don't have to have it all worked out on day one. You can change the program you chose or your schedule or your rules and expectations or even your overall approach at any given time. The best you can do in the beginning is to come up with a starting point and agree to talk with your kids frequently about how it's going and be flexible enough to make changes as needed.

It might make you feel more sane to make your own plans rather than try to follow someone else's. Getting started may be overwhelming, but ultimately you may find homeschooling more satisfying than trying to follow a (well-meaning) teacher's remote plans or than sending them off to school each day and not knowing much about what happens there.  

This is not impossible. Lots of families who homeschool do it in lots of different ways. Your family situation is probably far from the strangest. There is no one way to do it. You can join online forums and Facebook groups for homeschoolers and you will quickly get a sense that families make this work in all sorts of ways. Some families have their kids do lots of online classes, some do none. Some families school on the weekend and any other hours that one parent is not working while other families school during normal school hours. Some parents split the school week with a nanny or grandparent or their spouse. You don't have to stress if you can't do school from 8 - 3 Monday to Friday. One thing I've become clear on is that lots of families who have valued homeschooling for a long time have been doing wild things to make it work.

Make use of the library and other free resources. Homeschooling doesn't have to cost much. Our libraries aren't open, but the books are available to be borrowed. We can send them an email or submit a request online for the books we want and they will put them outside for us to pick up. There is something like a 40-book limit and I regularly make use of that. Every few weeks or once a month or so, I look over what our needs will be going forward in books-- for leisure, for science or social studies topics, certain genres we might be focusing on in reading or writing-- and I get a bunch of those books out. Also, there are sites/apps such as Epic which offer online books. They offer free trials and fairly inexpensive monthly rates after that. Under one household account, each of my kids has their own interface which suggests books for their interests and age range and has search options. There are even a lot of books that the app will read aloud to my youngest. I know we don't want too many screens, but Epic has been a nice supplement to the library for us.

If you've read this far, you might also be interested in some of the lessons I learned during our first year of homeschool. Good luck!

Lessons I've Learned From Our First Homeschool Year

Time flies when you're having fun, and I can't believe how quickly this year has gone. I have loved all the time I have had with my kids and all the ways I have been able to see them learn and grow. This grand homeschool adventure has been a positive change for us in so many ways, from the special activities, to the new routines, to the more frequent conversations about learning that happen in our house. It's been a year of surprises and change and settling in to a new groove. As we wrap up this school year, here are some of the lessons I've learned in my first year as a homeschool parent.

Name in sticks-- preschool is so much fun!

It's all about parenting
This is the biggest lesson I've learned. Homeschool is more about home than about school. My teaching experience helped me have confidence and get started, but it was not the key to homeschooling. Just like in life, for things to go well in our lessons I needed to watch my tone and choose my words carefully. I needed to keep things cozy and friendly and conversational and not to have expectations as if we were in a classroom. To homeschool is not to switch hats between being a parent and teacher; you're always the parent to them. Anything that happens in homeschool can make your overall relationship with your kids stronger, or create a wedge between you. Often this year while I was chatting with another parent and homeschooling came up, they'd say, "I could never do that. I'm not patient enough." I found myself thinking, what's "patient enough?" I am certainly not the most patient person in the world. But I definitely had a lot of practice at becoming more patient this year. I needed to practice the self control to not react quickly in a moment of frustration, but to take the time to think first and try to really understand what my child was feeling. Homeschool gives you the opportunity every day to improve whatever parenting skills you need as you discover what works well in working with your kid and and what doesn't.

Teach your kid, not the lesson
I have gotten to know my children so much better this year. I've been able to hone in on things about them I wouldn't have been able to elucidate as well before. For example, they each have particular strengths and interests I've become more aware of. They have ways they love to learn-- through a story, or humor, or music, for example-- that I can use as tools to engage them. They have particular fears and sensitivities and things that trigger those sensitivities. They each benefit from different strategies when frustrated or needing to calm down. I know how they look when they are paying attention and when they are not. I can predict how they will each respond to new people or a new situation. They have times of day they are more energetic, more open to new ideas and experiences. I think it promotes peace and understanding around the house to regularly notice and name these characteristics as they are-- "I notice when you are somewhere new it helps you to watch for a while before you join in," "It seems that when you need to calm down, one of the things that works best for you is positive self-talk." Kids are fascinating and complex and they are already each their own unique, whole person. There is a lot of value in figuring them out, accepting who they are and how they feel, and keeping those things in mind when planning as well as in the moment with them.

Trying to figure out how to play a song through trial and error.

Fan the flames of kids' interests
There were plenty of things I planned for W to study and learn about this year. But I also wanted him to have time to develop his own interests and be more self-driven in his learning. In a homeschool book I read this year called The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart, I found some good ideas about recognizing and encouraging your children's interests. Through observing my son this year, and having more conversations with him, I realized wars and battles were a big interest to him. One day he summarized the big things he wanted to know: "What were different wars about, and where were they, and who won?" He asked so many questions and we often had to look up the answers. In her book, Bogart suggests doable ways to foster kids' interests-- connecting them with a book or video or friend or class or related material. Kids have lots of fleeting interests but most kids aren't organized enough or don't have the resources to pursue it all on their own. If fostered a little, an interest may still peter out when it has run its course. But who knows what may continue and grow deeper with a little adult awareness and help? So we tried to actively fuel this interest of W's here and there. My husband took him to a Revolutionary War reenactment event in the fall that he still talks about. We started checking out library books on various wars-- some he read and some he just studied the photos, but what questions and conversations he would start afterward! He watched a couple of tame older war movies with his dad. He was a Continental soldier for Halloween. He started to get more specific with his questions and wanted to know about wars in recent history as he came to realize how much warfare has changed since the American Revolution, which we studied in depth. The interest extended to drawing soldiers and battle scenes, and he wanted my help looking up pictures of particular war heroes and events he'd read about. Those little plastic green army guys became a favorite toy, often interspersed them with Lego guys, to act out scenes. He hasn't lost interest yet and he's learned far more than the scope of our history curriculum this year. I had never thought a lot about exactly how to attend to kids' areas of interest before, but I do now. I learned that all kids have interests, and if we are well-attuned to our kids, we can put things under their noses or provide access to things that fan the flames of that interest and may help keep the fire going for longer. Worth doing because when an interest evolves into an area of expertise, they feel confident and more excited about learning in general.

  

Everything is a weapon

You don't have to be an expert in the content
As a classroom teacher, I taught first grade for most of thirteen years. It took me a while to get to know first-grade expectations and standards really well, not to mention typical first-grade behavior. I used to get stressed just thinking about the idea of ever switching to another grade because there would be an entirely new set of things to teach. Yet for this homeschool year, I jumped three grades into fourth-grade content and it was fine (and fun). I'm not saying it has been easy-- I did plenty of reading in the evenings. But once I got a framework for the year planned out (a curriculum map) and picked out which programs, if any, I would be using to help guide me in each area, the year unfurled along with us pretty naturally. I think it helped that I knew some teaching principles in general. But good teaching practices are largely not age- or content-specific. I didn't have to start out knowing a lot about energy or about New Hampshire history in order to teach those things. I just needed to do good research in order to find some of the many excellent resources out there that helped inspire interesting and challenging learning activities. I learned a lot of things right along with my fourth grader this year. If I got to teach fourth grade again, I'd now have a picture of an entire year in my mind and that would make things a bit smoother. But content never felt like an obstacle this year. (If I tried to do high school chemistry in homeschool that might be a different story...)

We discovered the Ring of Fire by graphing data points

We shook and shook and shook some sugar cubes to help understand the process of weathering and why some rocks are jagged and others more rounded.

We can design the day any way we want
This year we have gone through several distinct versions of the daily schedule we follow. In the beginning of the year, I had just one fourth grader. We started the year with a pretty school-like, busy schedule. It mostly worked for us, though things he needed extra practice in or fun enrichment things didn't fit neatly into a box on my schedule. Then in March, my preschooler came home and joined us. I didn't know how to adjust our daily schedule to accommodate a four-year-old, so I just dropped it entirely and we went pretty far toward the other extreme. I made lists for each day that I hoped I might get to with each kid or that my older could do independently. Some days felt more productive and satisfying than others but as a first stab at homeschooling more than one child, I felt moderately successful. Then a few changes happened. My daughter made it clear she would no longer be napping, so I couldn't rely on that one-on-one time with my son for focusing on big-kid school work. Also, our recent lack of schedule had made W less focused and expectations fuzzier for him. I was finding myself nagging him more often to actually get around to his work. So I sketched out not a schedule but a clearer routine that encompassed both kids. We start the day together (with a read aloud and then some yoga or a mindfulness exercise). After that there are certain portions of the morning and early afternoon when I am focused more on one child than another and I try make that clear to them. I make sure W does core subjects in the morning when he is at his best. We also make sure instrument practice happens in the morning because it goes less smoothly later in the day! I go over the general plan with the kids in the morning, as our routine shifts a little each day depending on the specific things on the agenda. This latest routine has worked well for the last month or two, but I'm always dreaming up new things to include in our day, other ways to balance it all. I've learned there's no perfect schedule, but that you can make any day, any week, any way you want. With homeschool we never have to feel stuck in a rut when something isn't working for us or our kids; we can be ready to change the routine at any point to meet everybody's needs a little bit better.

Enjoying an online read aloud together

I never imagined I'd teach preschool this year, but my favorite preschooler made it a lot of fun

Homeschooling multiple kids (even preschoolers) is possible
I thought homeschooling multiples would be just juggling, never giving anybody what they needed. Students within a classroom are at such varied levels as it is, so it didn't seem realistic to teach entirely different ages all at once. And yet, I've found in the last few months that homeschooling two kids together is not chaos or as hard as I thought. It takes thought and planning, as well as rolling with the moment, and I have to accept that since there are more moving parts, there is less predictability and some days work out more wonderfully than others. I have also experienced some enlightenment in regard to multi-age teaching. Even though my kids are almost five years apart, there are moments every day when we can learn together. For one, I've started grounding our day with read aloud and movement, both of which are good for us all at every age. Second, we can always do music and art together, and those things are more fun as a result. Third, there are times when I pencil in an activity idea mostly with my youngest in mind but it is so fun and engaging we all get involved (such as stacking books on some eggs to see how much weight they could hold). Finally, there are learning activities I have planned for my oldest that my youngest can participate in in some way as well-- either the materials might be interesting to her to use in her own way (like linking cubes she was excited to build with when we were exploring 3-D shapes for fourth-grade math), or she can actually do the same activity in a modified way (she draws what she sees outside while W writes poetry about it). Each kid can get different things from a learning activity depending on what stage they are at. Both my kids (like all kids) are more or less mature in various ways. Even though there are standards by grade and I think it's helpful to know them, I've realized age is not such a big deal. I didn't try to have M learn the same things as W when we were working with potential energy, but she could "help" with the experiments and loved playing with the marbles and ramps we built. There is sort of a beautiful completeness in being together even if the goals for each of us are different. Not every learning activity works like this, but I feel I've really won when I find the ones that do.

Rocket launch: exciting and educational for all ages

Math

Just-for-fun egg experiments

We can always do art together

Exercise for all

Fun with marbles and ramps

Homeschooling is good for sibling relationships
Obviously homeschool means siblings are home together more, but I pictured them doing different things and competing for one crazed parent's attention all the time and that didn't seem like it would help a relationship. Thankfully I was wrong. W had experienced homeschool solo and homeschool now and he has said more than once that "It's more fun with her here." I've seen their relationship improve over the last few months. I watched them play happily for at least fifteen minutes with squirt guns in the yard this afternoon, chasing each other playfully, hiding behind a tree to defend themselves, running over to the kiddie pool to reload. I did not have to get involved once and even had the wild thought that I could pick up a book and read at that moment and they might not notice. Last summer W would have begged and begged M to play and then squirted her anyway, causing upset. But now, they are in it together and they are actually playing. There's give and take. W slows down to go his sister's speed now because he know that's the only way the game will happen. M is willing to discuss and compromise and is a little braver about things like a squirt of water in the face. They play together sweetly like this so much more often these days. It is partly that M has grown up and is now able to play with others better, period. And it is partly that other social opportunities right now are still quarantine-limited so they depend more on each other than other friends. But I know it is also because they spend the day together, often getting to learn together, and they have a sense of camaraderie from those experiences. They've had the time and practice to develop rhythms of how to be with one another, as well as a better sense of when to leave one another alone. Also by being together more, their relationship and interactions naturally have become more of a priority. When certain things come up, be it hitting or bossing or jumping to conclusions, we can all discuss the core issue and make a plan to try to improve. They of course have their bad moments and harder days, but they've come to know each other better and have more of a relationship that's all their own, and that feels like a hugely positive and unexpected outcome of homeschool.

Tea party

Embrace the mess
Since sometime after becoming a parent, I've been an admirer of other people's decorated, spic and span homes and a little embarrassed of my own. I wanted to read Marie Kondo's Tidying Up but I knew it would just be overwhelming. Shortly after making the decision last spring that we would homeschool this year, I distinctly remember saying to my husband that another benefit of homeschool would be that I would probably be able to help keep the house looking a little nicer. Well, I ate my words because our house is at least as cluttered or more so than it was before. That homeschool book I read, The Brave Learner, actually had an entire section on this, and I read it thinking: Yes! Thank you! The author points out that when you homeschool, your house is very lived-in and it shows. It becomes a workshop and a playroom and a classroom and a cafeteria. She also pointed out-- and I whole-heartedly believe this-- that there were and will be again times in your life when you can prioritize things like dusting and enjoying more delicate furnishings, but while homeschooling your children isn't it. While I admire tidy and I clean up when things get a little too out of hand, I have accepted I am not at a stage in my life when the tidiness of my house is a top priority and I try not to feel like less of a mom/woman/grown-up because of it. I don't feel frustrated by the constant Legos in the living room or the puzzle on the kitchen table or the bits and pieces carpeting the floor around M's art table or the science and art projects crowding the window sills because those things are my life right now. I only have so much energy and I spend most of it with my kids. I also believe that if I always got all the dishes done and the laundry folded and the odd jobs checked off my list before I started on a project, I would literally never get around to anything creative, ever. I'm at peace with the fact that I can't do it all so I embrace the frequent mess that is part of life and learning with kids.

Value unstructured play more
I always knew unstructured play was valuable. I knew how much fun they could have with dress-ups or in the sandbox or just with a big cardboard box. But I also was aware that there were so many fun things to do and I was always actively planning outings or projects for weekends and summers and vacations. But by homeschooling, I spend enough time planning out the "school" stuff and thinking through the smoothest ways to organize our days, so any time beyond that-- in between things and when it's not school time-- is much more open-ended than it used to be. There's a lot more cardboard getting dragged out of the recycling these days, and glue and tape and scissors, and caring for doll babies, and Lego battles, and obstacle courses and games they create for each other, and bicycle jumps in the driveway, and just pretend. Of course, all this unstructured play means more mess (see above) but I love seeing the creative endeavors they get up to on their own, how focused and imaginative and resourceful they can be, and how proud they are of their creations. 

Homeschool is social
Homeschool is social (and is very different from quarantine). I felt this was so profound that I wrote an entire post about it a few months ago. We made new connections this year through sports and classes and lessons and volunteering. Both my kids made new friends, as did I because of a new homeschool connection I shared with several moms in our area. I reconnected with old friends and my kids got to know their kids. W still cares about his school friends and talks about them and likes to see them, but homeschooling caused his social world to open up and his definition of a friend to broaden beyond one classroom and one age group. Homeschooling has honestly spurred growth for him socially. Worry about missing out on social opportunities and friendships was one of the distinct concerns on our list when we were considering homeschool. But this has been a year defined by connections, not isolation. The socializing we choose feels like higher quality than the daily being together with classmates that my kids would have had in school. Perhaps any big change leaves in its wake a space for new things to grow and I've certainly found that to be true in terms of friendships and other social interactions.

Be a fun adult
My kids don't necessarily need me for anything in particular but the moment I pick up the phone they do. So I just avoid making phone calls when they are awake whenever possible. I also rarely go out to dinner with friends but when I do they get mopey before I leave. They feel sad any time either of us parents has to be away for an evening. I always felt badly about this and missed them when I was gone for an evening. But this year I've realized a new take on things like this, with a little help from that same book, Brave Learner, that taught me a couple of other lessons. As a parent, and especially as a homeschool parent, I am one of the main and most important role models for my kids of what it means to be an adult. We can all joke about how adulting is hard or we're sick of it but I realized that's a message to be conscious about and make sure I am not broadcasting to my kids. I want them to enjoy being kids but I don't want them to dread being an adult or think it is all work and no play. I want them to see that I have things I enjoy as a person and things adults do just for fun. I'm more open about the fact that that my husband and I watched a movie after they went to bed the previous night. I try to show them the things I get excited about and not always cave to their wishes when mine differ. I am less hesitant about picking up a book of my own in front of them even though it's unlikely I'll read it more than a moment. Part of what I am teaching them, whether I realize it or not, is an outlook on life and adulthood. I want them to see it as fun and interesting and creative and social, as well as busy. I'm not yet a member of a book club and I haven't picked up any new hobbies lately. I think my girls' nights out once every month or two leave me plenty of room to grow in this area, but being a fun adult for the kids' sake is something I've become aware of and it's fun to work on.