Mind Mapping for Clearer Thinking & Planning

I have been able to witness my fifth grader grow so much as a writer in the year and half that we have been homeschooling. He has a lot of strengths in writing, including stamina, a great vocabulary, and a tendency to try to emulate specific techniques of writers he loves. His writing has become vastly more coherent than it used to be, now with (mostly) correct punctuation and few run-on sentences. 

That said, left on his own he tends to dive into a piece of writing, then as he works on it, digress into long sections on whatever details fascinate or amuse him most. While I'm certainly impressed that he can write at length and stay happily engaged on one piece for days and days, I know the area in which he needs to improve is overall, big-picture organization. This year I wanted to help him learn to make a good workable plan before he starts a piece of writing, something that would keep him on track while he wrote, reminding him of what really belongs and what doesn't, what he's already written and what he still needs to cover.  

This fall one day, I quickly showed W how to make an outline, using Roman numerals to list the sections he wanted to write, and letters for the important points within those sections. He tried to make an outline for an informational piece he was to write. It got pretty messy, with no white space, lots of words and details crammed in and curling all over the page, and the order in which he thought of things and wrote them in the outline not matching the order in which he would eventually want to write about these things. He hadn't yet learned how to choose just the important key words to jot for this planning stage, so that was part of the trouble. He also didn't like having to make this outline, recognized that it was a bit of a mess when finished, and didn't refer to it much while writing his piece, but instead ignored it and did most of his thinking and planning as he went, as usual. 

One of W's outlines, that wasn't very user-friendly, before learning about mind maps

That particular writing piece came out alright in the end. But the extent to which the written outline format wasn't a guiding, useful tool to him made me look to alternatives that might better help him organize and plan. That's when we started to learn about mind maps.

Mind maps have helped a lot! Mind maps are another way to plan a piece of writing, or to organize thinking on a topic. A mind map is a graphic organizer. It's a refined version of a simple brainstorming web. A mind map uses unlined paper. The main topic is in the center, possibly with a little symbolic drawing to accompany it. Shooting out from the main topic are branches for each of your main subtopics. Each branch is in a different color and could also have an image accompanying it. From the end of each of the subtopic branches, you might have one or two or more small lines branching out to show details about that subtopic. There are some good explanations and samples of mind maps at several different web sites:

• https://www.mindmapping.com/mind-map
• https://www.tonybuzan.edu.sg/about/mind-maps/
• Also, a Google images search for "mind map structure" shows a lot of examples 

A practice mind map exercise: mapping things he likes

A traditional outline is linear, list-like, reads from top to bottom on lined paper-- and works well for many of us. Mind maps on not linear. By using color, images, and words, and using space creatively on a blank sheet of paper, mind mapping uses right-brained skills as well as left. Perhaps smart people who struggle with organization like my son, or anyone when working with a topic that feels particularly confusing or nebulous, would find mind maps helpful. For those who write as they plan or for whom ideas come in random order, a mind map can be a way to create order out of chaos. It's easy to add another branch, or another detail to a mind map in progress. It is also easy to see and work with the whole that a mind map presents. The end result sticks more because it's visual.  

W and I have been reading Mind Maps for Kids by Tony Buzan a few pages a day. The book is filled with examples of how to use mind maps, juxtaposed with more traditional ways to do the same tasks. It is interspersed with little exercises to stop and practice the skill, so it's a quick and active read. (It also has some little jokes and brainteasers sprinkled throughout to give brains a break from the mapping work every now and then.) It is published in Britain, so there is some vocabulary we've gotten to discuss as we go, like revising=studying, and maths=math. 

Mind map about a story about a vacation

The thing about using mind maps, or any type of outlining, to plan writing is that one needs to stop and think before diving in. Which are my main points and how many of them are there? How can I summarize each one with a key word or two? What is the supporting information I want to be sure to include for each section? 

These days, W thinks through some of these questions, then puts pen to paper to make a mind map. Then, his ideas are visually organized and color-coded before he types his first sentences on the computer (which is how he drafts these days). He still decides as he goes which branches of the mind map he'll write about in which order, but it's all laid out there for him, easy to navigate, so he can stay more grounded and on track. For a fantasy story he's been working on, he made a general plot arc before he began and also two small mind maps: one for the main character, with various facts and traits about him on the branches, and one for the setting. He keeps his notebook open to these mind maps as he writes and I can see the places where the details from them get woven into his stories. I'm looking forward to seeing how he categorizes his information for an upcoming piece he'll write about the Battle of Gettysburg. Each time he makes a mind map, he gets a little better at the process-- a little more organized, a little more succinct, a little clearer for him (and me) to pick up and understand. 

Fantasy story setting and character planning

Fantasy brainstorming

Mind maps are not only for use in planning a piece of writing. Mind maps are useful for kids in planning other things as well, and for thinking and studying such as: 

• Mind map to show/see the main points of a history article/topic 
• Mind map to sort out different quadrilaterals and their attributes. (W and I each tried this, based on an exercise in the book, and it was a great example of how a mind map on the same topic by two different people will come out differently! It all depends on how you think about and organize the topic in your own mind.) 
• Mind map to organize learning of new vocabulary (in English or a foreign language) 
• Mind map to organize spelling words-- by spelling pattern, or root word...
• Map out a novel they are reading and its themes (each theme as one of the main branches, and the smaller branches at the end being examples of how the theme shows up in the book)
• Mind map to plan gift giving to different recipients
• Mind map to plan the components of a birthday party

All of these are ways that mind mapping can make showing ideas, thinking, or studying more fun. 

Civil War causes and consequences map

I was even inspired to try mind maps for myself. I've tried using a mind map to plan out a couple of pieces of writing recently. Even though my thinking wasn't organized beforehand, or sequential, it was easy to create a mind map as I thought through a topic. It evolved organically. Since I didn't begin to write till I had the whole idea mapped out (a step I don't always do), the writing came together a lot easier than some other times. If I had known about mind mapping, the process might have helped me sort out confusing concepts in science class, and it would also have been a great study tool. Rather than making stacks of flashcards or reading through notes until I fell asleep, I might have sat down to a college exam and had a map in my head of the important topics and the connections between them. 

My kindergartner is becoming quite a writer for her age, but I haven't been using mind maps with her. It's certainly important to find ways to help young kids plan before they write. (Young kids tell wonderful, animated stories, but it takes so much effort to write them down, that their written version of the story is often far less detailed/interesting than what they can tell aloud.) But I don't think mind maps are the way to go for this purpose. At least through kindergarten and first grade, the idea of key words as notes (in any format) is too abstract for most 5-, 6-, 7-year-olds. In my experience if they make notes, the notes become their writing, copied word for word, less enthusiastically the second time. I think it's better for young kids to orally plan a story, or get ready to write by drawing the pictures first. More about that another time. 

The biggest selling point for W about mind maps is that they are fun. He says he really likes them because they are fun to make, easy to read, and much more helpful for him than other notes or outlines he has done before. I can imagine being a school teacher of older students and getting tense about kids spending time dawdling about their favorite shades of glitter pens and which pictures to draw before getting down to the business of writing the essay or story at hand. But, we have that time in homeschool. It saves time in the long run because it's a form of planning that W actually likes doing and will do. We are always telling W things like, "measure twice, cut once." There's nothing magical about the specific format of a mind map. It is just one promising way we've found to help get in the habit of slowing down and thinking and planning first before jumping into a project.  

The other day W was sending an email and he mentioned to me the mind map he was imagining in his head about the things he wanted to include in his note. I guess that's the goal of any graphic organizer or framework: to internalize it such that it doesn't need to be written out on paper, but it begins to shape the way we think and approach things. 

I've been imagining other uses for mind maps that might be fun to try out myself-- mind mapping vacation ideas, aspects of important decisions, new organization systems, holiday menus, or other events. Basically, any time I make lists, which might not always be the best way to see things clearly. The possibilities are endless.

Raising a Quiet Kid

When I was a kid, I was bossy with my little sister and the younger children my mom took care of in our home. I was always the teacher when we played school. My family joked about how much I could talk. But my strong opinions and verbosity were saved for home; to the world I was a quiet kid. When my grandmother had a friend visiting, she was irritated with me because I couldn't bring myself to say hello or otherwise interact in a manner that would have made her proud to show me off. I was given a completely sarcastic "most loquacious" award in seventh grade, a new environment where I was anything but. When we visited distant cousins that I seldom saw, I wanted to sit and listen to the grown-ups talk at first. I always had so much fun once I went to play, but it took me time to feel comfortable enough to do so.

    

Our Introverted Child 

Now I have a child a lot like me. We are a household of introverts, but M is at the most extreme end of the spectrum. While she's always been plenty feisty with us at home when needed, and talkative when she's excited, she has always become very quiet in new situations or with new people. 

We first noticed this when she was a baby. Even with family members, whom we saw regularly, she needed time to warm up. She would hide her face, or cling a little tighter when we first got together. We all learned to not try to pass her from person to person right away, not to expect anything from her immediately. If we did, she'd cry and we'd feel badly, and it would only make the adjustment time take longer. 

Fast-forward through many, many experiences like this: 

-M's daycare provider when she was little spoke to me anxiously about M's motor development, saying one day, "She just never moves!" M was indeed slow to learn to walk, but she moved all the time at home. I think she was literally stilled by the stimulation around her at daycare. What exhibited as a motor delay may have been as much a manifestation of her temperament.

-She attended preschool for two years. We could see a lot of growth in her at home, and M often told us stories of what the teachers and other children said and did, including their facial expressions and tones of voice. But the teacher told us in conferences that she couldn't definitively say what M knew or didn't know because it was so hard to get her to speak in class or in testing. It was not until the second year of preschool that they told me she was "coming out of her shell" by doing things like responding during the daily circle time greeting.  

-This fall M was so excited to be doing soccer for the first time and wanted to play all the time at home. But at practice, she jogged in slow motion behind the other children, and was so hesitant to follow the coach's directions that she looked like she was blatantly disobeying a lot of the time. By the very last practice session, she was at last comfortable and it was clear for the first time to other observers that she was having a good time-- running hard, laughing, following instructions to the group. The coach was delighted and asked, "Where has THIS M been all season?" 

She's five now and doesn't need warm-up time when it comes to family anymore (though she does sometimes need help getting airtime since her older brother is just that much quicker to start socializing and tends to have a steady stream of things to say). But, in less comfortable, less familiar surroundings we see the same pattern. The newer or louder the situation is, the longer she is quiet. On the car ride home after an event, she'll talk animatedly about the experience, about which she has observed every detail. Our M is in fact funny, expressive, athletic, musical, and social, but the protective layer around her in many situations seems to also be a distinct part of who she is. 

Our Parent Experience

As a parent it can be easy to get frustrated with these sorts of recurring situations. Teachers and coaches and daycare providers don't know what she is capable of. They don't know how much she is learning, how well she can dribble a ball/play a tune/identify letter sounds/etc. When she doesn't appear to fully participate in the traditional sense, they must think she's not paying attention. Certainly things would be easier sometimes without these challenges. 

But most of the time, out and about and in group situations, we try to not force vocal participation (especially in the moment in front of others), lest it becomes a battle. We also try not to draw attention to M's reticence. Our pediatrician years ago recommended not calling her "shy" because she would hear that as part of her identity and it would make the challenges even more difficult. That made a lot of sense to us and so we don't use the s-word (but of course we can't predict or control when others do). Sometimes we simply respond to direct greetings and questions for her. Otherwise we let situations run their natural course, with others doing the chiming in and M observing, reminding ourselves that it doesn't matter what others think; we know she's taking it all in, whether or not she's speaking. 

There are plenty of times that if we can wait graciously, she joins in when she is ready. Meanwhile, we try to respect her process and-- before or after an outing-- name for her the strategies we notice as effective for her, like, "It seems like it helps you to watch for a while at first before you join in." We positively reinforce when she does happen to respond to a question or participate on her own. We encourage her to smile or wave if she doesn't feel like talking, and we celebrate smiles and waves too. Baby steps are progress. 

We've learned that giving an assist can go along way. I never liked being told to "just go play" when I was little because it wasn't as easy as it sounds, and it isn't easy for M. We got together last winter for a big loud holiday party with about six other families and a herd of children. M didn't know everyone really well and was inhibited to say the least. It was looking likely that she would be my sidekick for the whole evening and I wanted more for her (and me), so I took her hand and we went and sat down with a little boy who is very close to her age who wasn't running with the rest of the kids. With M next to me, I started playing with him and talking to him about the little snap circuits he was playing with, without paying much heed to M at all-- and soon she was speaking for herself and playing with the toys as well. I did a silent cheer and after a few minutes I knew she was stable enough that I could return to the grown-ups in the next room and leave her to play. She had so much fun the rest of that evening and that experience was a big success for her, socially-- and for us, in learning a way to help her when we can recognize that she wants to join in but doesn't know how to on her own. 

In a similar way, her older brother is naturally this sort of social catalyst for M a lot of times. We've seen her joining in with others, or taking risks in general, like bouncing on a trampoline or riding her bike down a big hill, when she wouldn't have done it independently but did because W did it first and made it feel more safe and accessible.   

Sometimes just creating situations where she can be one-one one with someone helps her out of her shell, too. We've had plenty of opportunities to notice over the last few months that FaceTime calls can be hard. When we talk as a group, she whispers things to me a lot but struggles to say much, and she also takes several moments to respond when asked a question. But, if we turn her loose with the iPad and let her just be with one person, like her cousin, alone, her voice is loud and clear and she has a great time, being silly, dressing up, and showing off this or that.  

Her Extroverted Niche

At least since she was two, M has been making us take our seats on the couch to watch one of her "concerts." She sings, dances, plays instruments, and doesn't allow anyone else to sing along or share the spotlight. This seems to stretch beyond play, though. 

Last year M took a dance class and I was pleasantly surprised how quickly M was fully participating. We didn't have to wait weeks or years to see her doing what the teacher was directing her to do, like we had before with swim lessons and since with soccer. She didn't raise her hand or join in with the silliness of the other girls while they did their stretches, but she danced! A little performance for parents with costumes on a real stage was a thrill that she still talks about. We had wondered whether she would get stage fright, but the lights and a room of people seemed to do the opposite for her.  

In playing the violin for over a year, we've seen this phenomenon a lot. She has played for family members and in recitals and she is eager to do so. She even played for her preschool class for show and tell one day (she might not talk to them but she'd play for them!). Sometimes there is a moment after she gets into position and before she starts when there's a slightly longer pause than one might expect, just long enough that I start to wonder if she will freeze, but then she plays the first note and she's off. 

M seems uncharacteristically comfortable on stage. We've found she will perform in situations when she definitely wouldn't have been willing to talk. It seems that music and performance give her voice, and certainly confidence, and those are big reasons her instrument has felt like such a good fit for her. 

How to Teach an Introvert?

M's violin teacher is a calm, soft-spoken person who smiles a lot and has a quiet voice. M has warmed up to her and can work well with her. She fully participates in her weekly lesson in all the ways one might expect. It wasn't always like that and it's been great to see that evolution. But there is also a group component to her violin program. Once a week she has a small group class with a different teacher, who is also kind, but is also louder and speaks quickly. In that setting, even though it's a very small group, M rarely speaks. When the teacher announces a piece they should all play together, M often sort of halfway plays along, her motions stilted and missing some of the notes because her senses are absorbed by watching the others (I'm honestly not sure if the fact that this class is held virtually via Zoom now makes this situation a little better or worse than in the past when it was in person). 

In M's group violin class right now, they are working on a group project: creating a musical story to perform. In one session recently, each of the other children in her violin group class had quickly weighed in to make one decision after another about their story. When it came time for the last decision of the day-- naming the main character-- and M was still not raising her hand or calling out like the others, the teacher called on M. When M couldn't quite bring herself to respond right then on the spot (and I couldn't save her because I didn't want to name the penguin for her), the teacher gave her an "assignment" to make that decision and let the group know by next time. Later the teacher wrote to us saying she hoped it was okay that she called on M even though her hand wasn't raised, saying that she knew M had a lot to offer, and asking our input on the best ways to help her join without causing her stress. I really appreciated that this teacher, even though she herself has a very different personality than M's, was in tune enough to manufacture a way to bring in M's opinions to the otherwise fast-paced oral decision-making process that would have left M out, and that she accommodated by giving think time and letting M submit her input another way. 

This was just a small thing that happened in one class. But it made me think of M's education in general. She'll do sports and lessons for years to come, and at some point she'll attend a school that isn't at home. This instructor had seen M for who she was, problem solved, and worked with us to best suit her. I wished, not for the first time, that I could choose or train every teacher and coach and boss she'll ever have. To develop a good rapport with her and see her strengths clearly: don't make a big deal of her quietness, know that she is actively thinking/questioning/creating in her head even if she isn't participating in traditional ways, know that you need to patiently earn her trust and find creative ways to help her open up and show her skills. Also: she's brilliant and sweet and fun and if all you see is shy and well-behaved, then you don't know her yet.   

My Own Evolution as an Introvert

In high school and college I was keenly aware that other people had dozens of friends while I had just a few close ones. If I tried to be clever or funny on the spot, I never quite hit the mark, but I had good ideas later once I'd had a little time to think. In school it can feel there is a desperate dichotomy of either fitting in or not. Because crowds and gregariousness didn't come naturally to me, I had always felt inadequate. 

Then, as a young adult, I learned more about what it meant to be an introvert. Out of the school setting, I could recognize that those people in the in-crowd weren't superior to me; they were simply extroverts, with a different temperament from mine, one that was fueled by socializing and novelty, and had with it a different set of skills than mine. I love big gatherings now and then; it just takes a lot of energy. I crave downtime afterward to feel balanced again. I could see there was a place for both types of people (and everyone on the spectrum in between) in the real world. While networking and cliques are certainly still part of the adult world, they aren't the only currency that makes one feel worthwhile. As a grown-up it's easier to find and make your own niches that work well for you. I've had my introvert stumbling blocks as an adult, like job interviews and when I have had to present in staff meetings. It takes a lot of self talk to get through it but I get a little better at it, a little more confidence that I'll live through it, each time. Thankfully we can pick and choose our roles in life and work so we are mostly in situations that are not unduly stressful to our personality type. Learning a little about introversion and extroversion made me more comfortable in my own skin, and honest with myself about who I was. I wonder if becoming a grown-up is a bit of a sigh of relief for many an introvert. 

Looking Ahead

While we may always see in M, at times, glimmers of that baby who clung tighter when we entered a new place, she isn't that baby anymore. There is big progress as she grows; her comfort zone and the tools she uses are always evolving. She has made friends through classes and sports, and this fall she would freely trot off to play in the field behind us while we watched soccer games. With several people and situations, she doesn't need time to warm up. She used to just breathe into the phone after asking to talk, but she'll talk now. She gives a big expansive wave to every car that passes us when we go on walks on the dirt road near our house.

With all the progress I see, I still worry. I know there will be more challenging situations ahead that I can't be present for, that will feel bigger than when she didn't move in daycare and didn't talk in preschool. I don't want my daughter to struggle with self esteem when she's older just because she approaches life in a quieter, more cautious way than many. I don't want her teachers to think she doesn't know things and have big thoughts just because she doesn't jump into the fray all the time. I want her to embrace who she is from a young age and focus on the gifts she has, and I want to help her identify strategies that work.  

Advice on Raising Quiet Kids from the book Quiet

With my children in mind, I've been reading for some time a book that was recommended by a friend, colleague, and fellow parent called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I recently finished it. The whole book was good and interesting but the last chapter, on "How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World that Can't Hear Them" was the most fascinating and worthwhile. If you don't have time to read the whole book, I recommend reading even just this chapter if you have a quiet child in your life-- and probably most of us do. Here are some of the big lessons I gleaned from it.  

• Respect the way your child is; it is valid. Don't try to cure introversion. Think of it as a learning style. Cultivate the strengths of the way they are.
• Know that there are hugely successful introverts in the world who are successful not in spite of, but because of, their temperaments (the book has many, many examples). 
• Develop strategies for those times when your child needs to step out of their comfort zone for a bit. Talk with them ahead of time about what a situation will be like, and about simple ways they might respond to people to be polite and let them know they are listening, like giving a wave or a smile if they aren't ready to talk. Leave space after new situations like this for downtime. Some thrive on being busy and having lots of activities, but some don't. 
• Try to develop a good sense for the times when your child can benefit from that little push to get over the hump, vs. when pushing them would be too much and would overwhelm them.  
• Know that many introverts will seem reluctant to any suggestion of a new activity or opportunity. Don't force, but encourage them to try things. They need encouragement and little nudges for things that may cause anxiety at first but that they will be glad they did afterward, and bit by bit they will learn from these experiences that it's worthwhile to try things. 
• Help them know and talk openly about what their style is. 
• Stay nearby in new situations for as long as they seem to benefit from your presence. (I noticed early on that M was willing to enter the sandbox or playground or birthday party if she was holding my hand or close to me but not on her own.)  
• Respect and celebrate every small step (eye contact, saying yes to a request to play...). They are all giant strides in the world of a kid.      
• Help purposely set up play times and friendships with kids of similar temperaments or younger children. (We've often found M is more comfortable and quicker to interact with those she perceives as younger or smaller.) 
• Arrive early to new/potentially intimidating situations. It is much harder to have to join an existing active group. 
• Introverts often have one or two deep interests not necessarily shared by their peers. Praise them for these, encourage them, and help them find like-minded communities and friends. 
• Structure group work when it happens so kids have clear roles. But also teach and expect kids to work independently sometimes (I see this one as especially relevant for teachers).
• Give them think time before responding; don't prize speed.  

I've been thinking a lot about all of the smart advice from Quiet lately and hope to keep it in the forefront of my mind. I think this would all be important no matter where M spent her days, but of course right now she spends her days mostly at home as a homeschooler. I feel homeschooling her is doing her a service in a lot of ways. Understanding her temperament and respecting it in the way we do things is one big way I can personalize her education. I certainly don't force group work on her! I try to keep my tone and voice level when I'm frustrated with her because she is particularly sensitive to what she perceives as a "mad voice." I build her interests into the day. We help her find her voice when she needs that help; having an older sibling gives a fair amount of practice. At the dinner table, we try to teach her times and ways that it's okay to interrupt to get a word in. Of course she's not getting as much socialization practice as she could, this year in particular. I do consider that a lot. Then again I don't believe that just the fact of being in an environment with other people necessarily makes you become more socially adept. (Depending on the situation, it may just cause you to turn inward or put up more barriers.) We use the opportunities we have right now to prepare her ahead of time. We encourage and notice all the small steps she makes. She has so many strengths and we focus on those. I hope that by doing her early schooling in an environment where she is highly comfortable and can speak her mind freely and where she can develop confidence will help her in the long run. 

Writing Workshop Meets Homeschool, Part 2

(This post is part two of two. The first one is here.)

In my previous post I explained why I love writing workshop and why I chose it to use in homeschool with my fourth grader this year. This post is about the challenges I have felt in trying to teach writing to my own child, as well as the challenges he has had as a learner, and how we adapted to make it work.

We've Had Some Challenges...

I had an image that he would take off in writing this year with consistent teaching. But despite the best practices embedded in writing workshop, writing time could feel pretty challenging-- for us both.

The sheer newness of it all was at times debilitating to him. He was not accustomed to a lot of work in writing so anything I asked him to do felt new and daunting. He is also really sensitive to the idea of being wrong. No matter how gently I tried to word things in the beginning-- telling him to just try his best, not to worry if it wasn't perfect-- he felt overwhelmed and just couldn't even try. There was whining and more. In the first week of our homeschool year, W told me more than once during writing time, "This is outrageous! I've never had to do this before!" We unfortunately had our moments of debating what he was or was not capable of, or what was or wasn't reasonable for a kid his age to work on. I tried to be patient but I failed sometimes.

Thinking

Overwhelmed

Distraction. There were so many distractions, some purposeful and some not. He tried to avoid the mental effort that writing, especially, felt like to him. We'd finally get settled to start and he suddenly needed a drink or decided he was cold or noticed a hang nail. He'd argue that he really was listening while chasing a bouncy ball around or teetering back and forth on the top step of the upstairs space where we did most of our schoolwork. I was trying so hard to keep my lesson short (a key aspect of writing workshop I had long since conquered in a classroom of first graders), but I was finding it a huge challenge.

He had trouble distinguishing the important information. Often I'd begin a lesson with an engaging little connection relating the work we were doing to skiing or something else I knew would interest him and provide a metaphor. (I thought this had always worked so well in my classroom.) But my son just couldn't get past any analogies or anecdotes I mentioned. They made him think of stories he wanted to tell or questions he wanted to ask that were tangentially related. I tried to be accepting of his anecdotes-- but he can really chat when he wants to and I often felt my intended lesson plan getting derailed after that. So I started telling him to wait till after writing to tell stories. He was grumpy about it. (Wasn't I just talking about skiing?? Why couldn't he talk about skiing too?) I realized he didn't understand what parts of all my talking were important to pay attention to. (He told me once, "It's sort of like, I'm really good at remembering the details when I read but sometimes it's hard for me to know the main idea.") Even on days he appeared to be listening, when I'd gotten through what I wanted him to hear that day and it was time to write, he often looked like a deer in the headlights and he even apologized: "I'm sorry, I forgot. What am I supposed to do?"

He needed more time than I expected. I was amazed at how long he could take just to get started on some days. I know it helps young kids to brainstorm with a partner or sketch their ideas in pictures or tell the story orally before they write anything. W seemed to need an extreme amount of this type of planning time. He would spend entire writing sessions pacing, shooting down ideas I suggested, and staring into space. When I checked in with him, he insisted, "I'm thinking!" It took lots of time and energy to make an outline or settle on a basic plot for a story. His time frame was not what I or my curriculum had planned on and I often felt slightly frantic at how easily we could get days "behind." I just couldn't make him go any faster in this process even though I foolishly tried sometimes. I should have known better, because one of the biggest truths I've learned in parenting is, the more you push a kid to do something, the harder they will push back. When I nagged him to just get down to business already, it only slowed him down more.

What I Learned

How he feels matters. I learned how important his mood was in how the entire writing time, if not the entire day, went. (We played around with the schedule a bit but always came back to writing first thing in the morning). My tone and word choice and reactions really, really mattered because they had a big impact on his mood. No matter how much I wanted him to just cooperate or to be really productive, I had to learn to bite my tongue and be sensitive to his mood. I offered tea while he worked. I found as many things as I could to compliment. I found it helped him stay positive and work hard when he had things to look forward to later in the day that I could remind him of, like seeing a friend or having something for dinner he likes. I had to continually think about what I could do to make him feel at ease, and to help him feel confident.

Focus on the essential teaching point. I learned to get the lesson to the (almost) bare bones. I had to really think about whether to include with my teaching the fun anecdotes he was so interested in but that were so distracting. I had to rethink the busy colorful posters meant to remind him of more and more strategies. I had to reconsider whether to include every rich tidbit of wisdom sprinkled through every part of the lesson and work session and share portion. I learned to subtract a lot of that out even though I thought it was all great, and glean for myself the essential parts that I wanted him to consider and try in his work. Then I could help him see and hold onto those essential parts. There was no point trying to do it all because it wasn't all getting through. He's more of a natural detail guy than a main idea guy and I had to change my teaching to get him to see the main idea.

An increasingly busy chart of strategies for a fiction writing unit

Read him better. Some days he wanted to work more independently. When he paused to look up or pace I learned not to interfere unless he asked me a question and then only to answer briefly so as not to interrupt his train of thought. On other days he simply couldn't start on his own. He wanted me there alongside him to talk it out and encourage him to put down what he'd just said. I gave him more or less space depending on what he needed.

Check for understanding. I've certainly gotten to know him better this year. For the most part I can recognize when I am speaking to him but he is somewhere else mentally and hasn't heard me-- even if he says, "Uh-huh" or "Okay." I learned I had to have him repeat every essential thing I wanted him to learn in his own words, and be involved every step of the way to be sure he was really on the same page as me. I had to have him, not me, write the bulleted tips or ideas or he'd never internalize them. Both the visual and the act of writing it down himself helped. These are all perhaps obvious strategies for monitoring attention. But in the classroom I hadn't been able to do all these things for every attention-challenged child for the entirety of every lesson like I was learning to do now at home for one student who needed it.

Truly go his speed. It took more time than I thought it would to move through these great units, but to make it work for him, that was part of the process. I kept reminding myself that an important reason, and one of the main reasons I gave W, for homeschooling was so that we could go his speed and work at his level with schoolwork. In many areas (math, for example) this has meant we can move at a faster rate than he'd be going in a classroom. In writing, it was certainly a slower rate than the program dictated or than I expected, and I had to let that be okay too. He always produced quality work eventually, it just took time.

Find focus tools that help. During writing time more than any other part of the day, we tried various gadgets to help W focus (both on me when I was trying to teach him something, and on his work during work time). Most of the strategies I suggested felt novel to him, and he was not self-conscious about trying them at home. So we were able to find which helped and which didn't. The effective strategies we've used have included:

• sugar-free gum to chew 
• life savers to suck on
• a cardboard shield to block out visual distractions around him and create his own private work space
• noise-cancelling headphones, with or without soothing music
• a "parking lot" post-it note pad for him to jot a word or two down so he could remember something he wanted to say if we were in the middle of working and it wasn't the right time to get into it
• a bumpy rubber wiggle seat that he could wiggle on and receive sensory input all he needed while staying seated to do the actual writing
• allowing him to move around (within reason) while listening and talking, but especially during brainstorming, figuring out how to word a sentence, and while working independently. 

A couple of "parked" thoughts to remind him of funny stories he wanted to tell me later (about Tintin and Heathcliff) amid lots of writing notes

Noise-cancelling headphones

Privacy shield

Writing Growth

W didn't immediately take off as a writer on day one this year and the road has not always been smooth since then, but when I step back and think about all the writing he has done and can do now, I am so proud of how much he's grown.

Compare-and-contrast literary essay in progress

There was one afternoon a few months ago when he was finishing up some writing and I looked over his shoulder to check on him and I couldn't help exclaiming, "You used paragraphs! I'm so proud of you!" No matter how many pieces we had edited together in order to separate one giant blob of writing into sections, he had yet to actually draft a piece organized into paragraphs from the beginning. Remembering paragraphs had been such a hurdle, even in five-paragraph essays where the the time for a new paragraph is pretty clear-cut. And here he was leaving a space between chunks of thought all on his own. He said, "Yeah, I thought you'd be proud of me for that." Was I ever. This was one of those magical moments in teaching when you realize how far a student has come.

Paragraphs!

Life Savers at the ready

He is now grown-up enough in managing his own level of focus that he can work in the same room with multiple family members. He chooses the accommodations when he needs them and takes care of them on his own.

Really busy table scenes now that we're ALL homeschooling

His writing has much greater clarity than it used to. He knows how to fix a sentence fragment or a run-on. He uses commas (mostly) correctly. He capitalizes and ends every sentence with punctuation. The way he grips his pen is correct now and he can write pages (some days) at a time without wearing out. His writing is legible and sometimes downright neat!

I remember the many times over the last couple of school years that he would state as fact that he doesn't like writing. But there are as many times this year when he has started to say, "It's not that I don't like it; it's just that it's hard for me to get started" or "It just takes a lot of effort for me." I am glad he is getting to know himself better and has grown some confidence in himself as a writer. I can see how proud he is of his finished products.

In Conclusion
If I am able to homeschool again next year, I will certainly want to continue to teach writing explicitly and give my kids time to develop skills through modeling and strong example texts and lots of time to practice. But, my perspective is a bit different than it was a year ago. I think writing was the thing I felt the most expert in as a teacher coming into this year, and yet it might be the area I have learned the most in. Writing time sort of became my laboratory to understand my son as a student and to work on all things-- our relationship in this new zone, my patience, his anxiety about work that felt hard and new, his challenges with focusing himself that varied by day. My son has really taught me how much the teacher needs to adapt to each student. I've thought about my former students as individuals, including those with attention deficit, and how I might have tried to teach them differently based on what I've learned this year. That's not to say that in a classroom it is ever easy to meet twenty different people where they are and give them all exactly what they need. But working with my one kid, one on one this year, with all his strengths and challenges, really taught me more about the need for lots of sensitivity and responsiveness to each and every student. The progress I've gotten to see in writing was helped by a strong program but was mostly because I figured out what worked well for my kid.