P.E. is very important to him. As with most kids, it's his favorite "special," and one of his favorite things about school overall. The P.E. part of his comment was the simple part: we quickly assured him he could still join the class for gym. (Under New Hampshire law, homeschoolers and private-school students can participate in "co-curricular" activities that supplement the regular academic program, including clubs, athletics, social events, field trips, and even graduation. There are similar laws in other states.) So, I drop him off at the public school twice a week for gym class and he gets to catch up with former classmates at a minimum on those days. In that setting he gets opportunities to practice athletic skills, sportsmanship, or teamwork that I couldn't provide at home. The fact that he leaves red-faced and sweaty is great for him. Plus, the brief break from one another during the day a couple times a week is a healthy thing too!
Aside from P.E. class, the social question more generally ("What about my friends?") was an important concern on our pro-and-con list when we were considering homeschooling. We had given it a lot of thought. The weight and number of the pros made us take the leap anyway, but we aimed to try to make other social opportunities for him since he'd be missing out on working with partners, solving conflicts, recess, and all the socializing inherent to school.
There are a few other ways we've taken advantage of access to public school activities that help him stay connected with former classmates. W played soccer in the fall through the district rec program, is doing basketball and skiing this winter, and will do baseball in the spring. Sports are opportunities to play, cooperate, and socialize multiple times a week. In October, he and I both joined the entire school for their annual all-school hike and had fun catching up with kids and teachers and other parents as we walked and picnicked. He also attended the school Halloween "dance," which consists of a lot of running and yelling and eating sweets in a dark gym with music and flashing lights-- and he got to participate just as fully in the sensory overload as he would have any other year. I think that participation in these things helps W feel a part of things, even though it's not the same as the daily immersion of school.
I have been asked lots of questions about how W is doing socially, after "Hello" and "How's homeschooling going?": Do you get him out to see other kids? Does he get chances to be social? Just the other day I bumped into one of his former teachers who asked, "Is W doing at least some social things?" (I'll insert here that I've come across plenty of snarky discussions among homeschool parents online, sharing things they've said to others when probed about how their kids learn social skills. I find myself considering some responses I've read in these moments: "I socialize my pets, not my kids" and "He talks to ME all day long!") I feel a little dumbfounded when I get questions like this because the fact is I feel like we're quite busy in the social realm these days, and most of it has happened pretty organically in ways I didn't predict.
I know kids learn plenty of social ins and outs at school, and make most of their friendships through school. But I've realized that shuttling him to and from school to be with the same group of kids each day is not the be-all and end-all for social health and societal functioning. As a teacher I know that teachers have a lot to do, and even school staff with the best intentions isn't handling every social conflict in a helpful way, not to mention having the wherewithal to teach skills proactively. I used to drop W off and hope for the best each day (and not get much feedback about his social world); in our current lifestyle I now have the chance to see his social strengths and needs firsthand and am better placed to work with him on things. I've been able to notice growth in responding to people, speaking audibly, making eye contact, asking questions of others to get to know them and show he's interested, and taking the perspective of others (including his sister) into account before reacting.
I've discovered, and I think W is starting to see, that our new lifestyle isn't just about working to maintain school relationships; those are important but only one avenue and there are whole new opportunities now. W is out in the community interacting with more people of different ages in different situations more regularly than ever before through the activities we now do and the increased flexibility of our days. Other friendships have formed that count. There are the delightful young girls from a homeschool family just down the road that both my kids hit it off with. There's the boy a year younger than W that he has played with every week for several months during his sister's dance class; both boys bring games or toys each week to share while they pass the time together. (Worth mentioning, this dance class M takes is right after school a few miles from our house, so it wasn't an option last year. Through the fact of attending it, M, W, and I have all made new friends.) There's also the 20 other homeschool students that W works with once a month at a historical society class we are taking. I like seeing him branch out and maybe start to see life, not just school, as a chance to be social and form relationships.
Someone asked me if I myself as an adult miss my old job because now I don't have adults to talk to all day. I do miss the friends I worked with and I've stayed in better touch with some than others. And W and I are at home more than either of us used to be. But we are, all, out and about in the world more than we ever were before too. I can attend any and every game and practice I want to now and chat with other parents on the sidelines. I can actually be available to offer other kids rides, and not just be the parent always asking for one. I now make use of the small shops and stores in my own community so much more than I did in the past when I was hopping on the highway daily to work and do business a half an hour away. I get to interact with parents and teachers at M's preschool daily, most of whom were there but I never saw last year. My kids can do lessons and activities that weren't an option before because of our schedule, and there are relationships built through all of those. I have made friends with several nearby homeschool families that I never would have gotten to know otherwise. I lost the social aspect of the workplace this year but I've gained in so many other ways; I feel at least as social and connected as I ever have.
When I occasionally lie awake at night worrying about things, it (surprisingly) isn't usually the social questions I am worrying about. Do we have room for more friends in our life? Always. But is W's social well-being a struggle because of homeschooling? No. The uprooting of our routines this year has been an exciting ride that created space for things we didn't expect, socially and otherwise. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens.
I know kids learn plenty of social ins and outs at school, and make most of their friendships through school. But I've realized that shuttling him to and from school to be with the same group of kids each day is not the be-all and end-all for social health and societal functioning. As a teacher I know that teachers have a lot to do, and even school staff with the best intentions isn't handling every social conflict in a helpful way, not to mention having the wherewithal to teach skills proactively. I used to drop W off and hope for the best each day (and not get much feedback about his social world); in our current lifestyle I now have the chance to see his social strengths and needs firsthand and am better placed to work with him on things. I've been able to notice growth in responding to people, speaking audibly, making eye contact, asking questions of others to get to know them and show he's interested, and taking the perspective of others (including his sister) into account before reacting.
I've discovered, and I think W is starting to see, that our new lifestyle isn't just about working to maintain school relationships; those are important but only one avenue and there are whole new opportunities now. W is out in the community interacting with more people of different ages in different situations more regularly than ever before through the activities we now do and the increased flexibility of our days. Other friendships have formed that count. There are the delightful young girls from a homeschool family just down the road that both my kids hit it off with. There's the boy a year younger than W that he has played with every week for several months during his sister's dance class; both boys bring games or toys each week to share while they pass the time together. (Worth mentioning, this dance class M takes is right after school a few miles from our house, so it wasn't an option last year. Through the fact of attending it, M, W, and I have all made new friends.) There's also the 20 other homeschool students that W works with once a month at a historical society class we are taking. I like seeing him branch out and maybe start to see life, not just school, as a chance to be social and form relationships.
Someone asked me if I myself as an adult miss my old job because now I don't have adults to talk to all day. I do miss the friends I worked with and I've stayed in better touch with some than others. And W and I are at home more than either of us used to be. But we are, all, out and about in the world more than we ever were before too. I can attend any and every game and practice I want to now and chat with other parents on the sidelines. I can actually be available to offer other kids rides, and not just be the parent always asking for one. I now make use of the small shops and stores in my own community so much more than I did in the past when I was hopping on the highway daily to work and do business a half an hour away. I get to interact with parents and teachers at M's preschool daily, most of whom were there but I never saw last year. My kids can do lessons and activities that weren't an option before because of our schedule, and there are relationships built through all of those. I have made friends with several nearby homeschool families that I never would have gotten to know otherwise. I lost the social aspect of the workplace this year but I've gained in so many other ways; I feel at least as social and connected as I ever have.
When I occasionally lie awake at night worrying about things, it (surprisingly) isn't usually the social questions I am worrying about. Do we have room for more friends in our life? Always. But is W's social well-being a struggle because of homeschooling? No. The uprooting of our routines this year has been an exciting ride that created space for things we didn't expect, socially and otherwise. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another opens.
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