This summer, my youngest learned to swim. She can now keep herself afloat for a significant distance without a life jacket. I found myself thinking about the fact that swimming is a huge milestone, and we didn't teach her to do it. We gave tips, cheered, encouraged, but there was nothing we could do, no matter how much we wanted to, to make it happen. When she was ready and believed she could, she stayed afloat.
I watched her process of learning to swim through a different lens because I had recently read How Children Learn, whose basic premise was: do less teaching and just let kids learn. There are so many things kids learn when they are ready, that we can only give support when they falter or when they ask-- like walking, and riding a bike. And not just physical things, but psychological/developmental growth, too, like getting over fears. (Early this summer, a friend of my son's released a crayfish into our swimming hole, and ever since, M has been clingy and nervous about where the "crab" was every time we went swimming, no matter how much we tried to reassure her that it wouldn't hurt her and had probably gone downstream by now. Yet when she was ready, it was in the space of a couple of days that she abruptly decided to stop worrying about the crayfish and learn to swim all at once.)
What about school, or "book learning?" Would my son have ever memorized all his state capitals like this-- on his own, when he was ready-- without my making him do it? Maybe, if he for some reason was inclined to do so, and maybe not...Then again, what does it really matter if he memorizes state capitals, and how long does that kind of learning last, anyway?
I've often pondered how some kindergartners and first graders arrive at school already strong readers. But most of those same parents didn't sit down and teach them. All they did is live their literate lives, reading to their kids and talking to them, and those kids were interested enough and exposed enough to figure out reading for themselves. (As a sort of side note, this makes me think of the wild finding from the book Freakonomics that simply having a lot of books in a home-- not reading to your child every day-- correlates to a child's higher test scores in school.)
With a lot of skills, especially when kids are young, it seems there comes a point that they want to do it enough, and are driven to try enough that they learn. How many things that we sit kids down and school them in over the years, could be learned naturally like this, when they are ready-- even quickly or all of a sudden, like my daughter's swimming?
These are some of the big thoughts I had this summer as I anticipated our third year of homeschool.
Then I read another book called Unschooled. This is a book that I had turned my nose up at in the past. But I was ready to see what this book was all about, even though I felt by reading it I was playing devil's advocate and it wasn't really written for the likes of me.
But, it was another I needed to read. I don't agree with everything it said, but found myself aligned with the author and the points she was making so much more than I expected to. It made me think a lot about what an education is, versus schooling-- not one in the same. It made me think about how much freedom teachers and parents don't give kids, but maybe could: not license to do whatever they want, but freedom to make choices as long as they are respectful of others. It made me think again, more deeply than I had before, about how important it is to let kids follow their interests rather than adults always deciding for them what must be learned. It made me ponder the value of kids' time and how I want them to feel about their childhoods.
These books, and especially Unschooled, were something of an awakening. I had had some of these ideas in the past, questioning the value of all the time kids spend on traditional schooling and on structured, scheduled activities, but I hadn't fully acknowledged all of them...
As a teacher, I didn't see it as a big problem when families occasionally took kids out of school for family activities, even though it was formally frowned upon. I felt that an extra day with visiting grandparents from out of town or memories from a family vacation were probably more important for that child than my math or phonics lessons that particular week.
As a working parent my son had almost no free time/down time/play time during the week. His after-school program had the kids sit and do homework immediately after giving them a snack-- and often not even actual homework, but random worksheets they photocopied to fill the time when the teachers hadn't assigned anything. I always wished instead that he could have gotten outside and burnt off steam at the end of the school day. There was so little time in his young life when he wasn't doing school and I never felt at peace with that.
I loved when the school where I worked stopped assigning homework to all elementary students K - 5 (following guidance from research showing that it doesn't have a positive impact at that level)-- thereby doing a small part to give kids a little time in their day for other interests and for play.
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Two years ago, when we started homeschooling, I was doing school at home because that was comfortable and familiar. I had not set out then to "unschool" my child; I wanted him to be schooled better. I knew things about what I thought good education should be and I did those things. My teaching was consistent, it was sequential, I made sure to include everything that "should" be included for a then-4th grader, I had great programs to help do the job, we had a school-like schedule. But my view of education, and where I am as a teacher and a homeschool parent has changed. I've had a lot happen since-- a pandemic, beginning to homeschool two kids instead of one, learning the types of skills my particular kids needed to spend time practicing and those they simply didn't that we could skip, beginning to realize that the learning and the memories that have been most special and most lasting are the projects and all the other unique things we've done.
Some time ago I started consciously trying to let my kids be in charge of the little, personal things and other decisions in their lives when possible, to help develop self-esteem and responsibility (inspired by other good books I'd read). But as homeschoolers, they have agency over more and more now. W sat with me and helped draft a list of the topics he really wants to study in history this year. They're both helping to select the types of writing they want to do. We've made pro and con lists together as we decided whether or not to register for various programs, classes, and other opportunities that have come up so far. I wanted to know their big wishes for the coming year. I always tell them that if our daily routine isn't working well, we can change it at any time to make it better.
My son began his homeschool career in August of 2019 feeling different, and angry with me for changing his whole world. Now he's a big homeschool proponent; a child who speaks up about his education and his interests; a person whose skills, interests, and social world have expanded and diversified; who thanks me regularly for the choices I let him make and for the things we do. Seeing him being happier, seeing him literally learning how to learn and coming to care about his learning, are the biggest indicators that I am on the right track in my ongoing evolution as a homeschool parent.
So, as we started off our new year, I had all of this in mind and also that:
I want to focus on their strengths more than their weaknesses. It is in working on something that drives them that they grow confidence, and get better at all things. I wonder if my son may be a writer, actor, comedian, animal trainer, or historian and my daughter a doctor, dancer, engineer, or musician-- or more likely something I haven't fathomed yet. I don't want to do anything to squash those current leanings of theirs, so I want to pay attention more to what feels important to them now and less to the learning sequences I've selected. I've seen that learning from interest sticks and can lead to so much more unique learning that I can't predict. I know I have to allow some big stretches of time for that.
I also know that we all benefit from some routine, and that there are some topics they may never set out to study on their own but that I want to make sure they get some regular practice in (such as math, writing).
...So my current way to make sense of all this is a homeschool schedule that is half days. I never thought I would be advocating a 4-hour school day! But half days aren't really half days; they're full days, only half scheduled with traditional school stuff. The morning is academics, mostly driven by me (albeit with their input wherever possible), while the afternoon is more driven by them and where I am test-driving the "unschooling" mentality. I wanted to give them the gift of time: a wide open afternoon every day for them to have the space to do what's important to them.
Of course those empty afternoons quickly got sprinkled with activities: there's PE class at the local school a couple times a week, and instrument lessons, and now soccer in the evenings. It's easy to become overscheduled and I think it's a parental duty to intentionally say no to some things. But so far this schedule is working great. This schedule still allows big chunks of afternoon with which they get to decide what to do. Sometimes I offer up an art project or other activity, but in our first few weeks of school so far they have filled most afternoons with a great variety of things they've felt inspired to do-- M has crafted a birdfeeder and a train out of wood and wood glue literally all by herself, while W has fallen down rabbit holes of research into personal interests (never thought I would know so much about animal pelts, knife safety, and taxidermy...). They've both enjoyed hobbies, playing outside, reading, board games, hikes, play dates. I am not worried my kids won't learn during an unscheduled afternoon, because I know my kids. I'm always impressed by the things they dream up and accomplish when they are given uninterrupted time (and available support and resources from me as needed). The things they do don't need to have a clear, immediate purpose to me; I feel like the purpose of carving out the afternoons for them is to value their motivations and interests and see where they lead. As a grown "unschooler" says in Unschooled said, "The biggest difference between school or school-at-home and unschooling is being willing to trust the child." It's true that in general the more I've trusted my kids, the more trustworthy/productive/respectful they are.
I know it's a privilege to be able to make decisions such as these about my kids' educations and how they spend their day-- and I'm taking advantage of it! This year feels like the right balance and a good rhythm for us so far but I'll keep you posted. Happy new (school) year to all!
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