Time flies when you're having fun, and I can't believe how quickly this year has gone. I have loved all the time I have had with my kids and all the ways I have been able to see them learn and grow. This grand homeschool adventure has been a positive change for us in so many ways, from the special activities, to the new routines, to the more frequent conversations about learning that happen in our house. It's been a year of surprises and change and settling in to a new groove. As we wrap up this school year, here are some of the lessons I've learned in my first year as a homeschool parent.
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| Name in sticks-- preschool is so much fun! |
This is the biggest lesson I've learned. Homeschool is more about home than about school. My teaching experience helped me have confidence and get started, but it was not the key to homeschooling. Just like in life, for things to go well in our lessons I needed to watch my tone and choose my words carefully. I needed to keep things cozy and friendly and conversational and not to have expectations as if we were in a classroom. To homeschool is not to switch hats between being a parent and teacher; you're always the parent to them. Anything that happens in homeschool can make your overall relationship with your kids stronger, or create a wedge between you. Often this year while I was chatting with another parent and homeschooling came up, they'd say, "I could never do that. I'm not patient enough." I found myself thinking, what's "patient enough?" I am certainly not the most patient person in the world. But I definitely had a lot of practice at becoming more patient this year. I needed to practice the self control to not react quickly in a moment of frustration, but to take the time to think first and try to really understand what my child was feeling. Homeschool gives you the opportunity every day to improve whatever parenting skills you need as you discover what works well in working with your kid and and what doesn't.
Teach your kid, not the lesson
I have gotten to know my children so much better this year. I've been able to hone in on things about them I wouldn't have been able to elucidate as well before. For example, they each have particular strengths and interests I've become more aware of. They have ways they love to learn-- through a story, or humor, or music, for example-- that I can use as tools to engage them. They have particular fears and sensitivities and things that trigger those sensitivities. They each benefit from different strategies when frustrated or needing to calm down. I know how they look when they are paying attention and when they are not. I can predict how they will each respond to new people or a new situation. They have times of day they are more energetic, more open to new ideas and experiences. I think it promotes peace and understanding around the house to regularly notice and name these characteristics as they are-- "I notice when you are somewhere new it helps you to watch for a while before you join in," "It seems that when you need to calm down, one of the things that works best for you is positive self-talk." Kids are fascinating and complex and they are already each their own unique, whole person. There is a lot of value in figuring them out, accepting who they are and how they feel, and keeping those things in mind when planning as well as in the moment with them.
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| Trying to figure out how to play a song through trial and error. |
Fan the flames of kids' interests
There were plenty of things I planned for W to study and learn about this year. But I also wanted him to have time to develop his own interests and be more self-driven in his learning. In a homeschool book I read this year called The Brave Learner by Julie Bogart, I found some good ideas about recognizing and encouraging your children's interests. Through observing my son this year, and having more conversations with him, I realized wars and battles were a big interest to him. One day he summarized the big things he wanted to know: "What were different wars about, and where were they, and who won?" He asked so many questions and we often had to look up the answers. In her book, Bogart suggests doable ways to foster kids' interests-- connecting them with a book or video or friend or class or related material. Kids have lots of fleeting interests but most kids aren't organized enough or don't have the resources to pursue it all on their own. If fostered a little, an interest may still peter out when it has run its course. But who knows what may continue and grow deeper with a little adult awareness and help? So we tried to actively fuel this interest of W's here and there. My husband took him to a Revolutionary War reenactment event in the fall that he still talks about. We started checking out library books on various wars-- some he read and some he just studied the photos, but what questions and conversations he would start afterward! He watched a couple of tame older war movies with his dad. He was a Continental soldier for Halloween. He started to get more specific with his questions and wanted to know about wars in recent history as he came to realize how much warfare has changed since the American Revolution, which we studied in depth. The interest extended to drawing soldiers and battle scenes, and he wanted my help looking up pictures of particular war heroes and events he'd read about. Those little plastic green army guys became a favorite toy, often interspersed them with Lego guys, to act out scenes. He hasn't lost interest yet and he's learned far more than the scope of our history curriculum this year. I had never thought a lot about exactly how to attend to kids' areas of interest before, but I do now. I learned that all kids have interests, and if we are well-attuned to our kids, we can put things under their noses or provide access to things that fan the flames of that interest and may help keep the fire going for longer. Worth doing because when an interest evolves into an area of expertise, they feel confident and more excited about learning in general.
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| Everything is a weapon |
As a classroom teacher, I taught first grade for most of thirteen years. It took me a while to get to know first-grade expectations and standards really well, not to mention typical first-grade behavior. I used to get stressed just thinking about the idea of ever switching to another grade because there would be an entirely new set of things to teach. Yet for this homeschool year, I jumped three grades into fourth-grade content and it was fine (and fun). I'm not saying it has been easy-- I did plenty of reading in the evenings. But once I got a framework for the year planned out (a curriculum map) and picked out which programs, if any, I would be using to help guide me in each area, the year unfurled along with us pretty naturally. I think it helped that I knew some teaching principles in general. But good teaching practices are largely not age- or content-specific. I didn't have to start out knowing a lot about energy or about New Hampshire history in order to teach those things. I just needed to do good research in order to find some of the many excellent resources out there that helped inspire interesting and challenging learning activities. I learned a lot of things right along with my fourth grader this year. If I got to teach fourth grade again, I'd now have a picture of an entire year in my mind and that would make things a bit smoother. But content never felt like an obstacle this year. (If I tried to do high school chemistry in homeschool that might be a different story...)
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| We discovered the Ring of Fire by graphing data points |
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| We shook and shook and shook some sugar cubes to help understand the process of weathering and why some rocks are jagged and others more rounded. |
We can design the day any way we want
This year we have gone through several distinct versions of the daily schedule we follow. In the beginning of the year, I had just one fourth grader. We started the year with a pretty school-like, busy schedule. It mostly worked for us, though things he needed extra practice in or fun enrichment things didn't fit neatly into a box on my schedule. Then in March, my preschooler came home and joined us. I didn't know how to adjust our daily schedule to accommodate a four-year-old, so I just dropped it entirely and we went pretty far toward the other extreme. I made lists for each day that I hoped I might get to with each kid or that my older could do independently. Some days felt more productive and satisfying than others but as a first stab at homeschooling more than one child, I felt moderately successful. Then a few changes happened. My daughter made it clear she would no longer be napping, so I couldn't rely on that one-on-one time with my son for focusing on big-kid school work. Also, our recent lack of schedule had made W less focused and expectations fuzzier for him. I was finding myself nagging him more often to actually get around to his work. So I sketched out not a schedule but a clearer routine that encompassed both kids. We start the day together (with a read aloud and then some yoga or a mindfulness exercise). After that there are certain portions of the morning and early afternoon when I am focused more on one child than another and I try make that clear to them. I make sure W does core subjects in the morning when he is at his best. We also make sure instrument practice happens in the morning because it goes less smoothly later in the day! I go over the general plan with the kids in the morning, as our routine shifts a little each day depending on the specific things on the agenda. This latest routine has worked well for the last month or two, but I'm always dreaming up new things to include in our day, other ways to balance it all. I've learned there's no perfect schedule, but that you can make any day, any week, any way you want. With homeschool we never have to feel stuck in a rut when something isn't working for us or our kids; we can be ready to change the routine at any point to meet everybody's needs a little bit better.
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| Enjoying an online read aloud together |
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| I never imagined I'd teach preschool this year, but my favorite preschooler made it a lot of fun |
I thought homeschooling multiples would be just juggling, never giving anybody what they needed. Students within a classroom are at such varied levels as it is, so it didn't seem realistic to teach entirely different ages all at once. And yet, I've found in the last few months that homeschooling two kids together is not chaos or as hard as I thought. It takes thought and planning, as well as rolling with the moment, and I have to accept that since there are more moving parts, there is less predictability and some days work out more wonderfully than others. I have also experienced some enlightenment in regard to multi-age teaching. Even though my kids are almost five years apart, there are moments every day when we can learn together. For one, I've started grounding our day with read aloud and movement, both of which are good for us all at every age. Second, we can always do music and art together, and those things are more fun as a result. Third, there are times when I pencil in an activity idea mostly with my youngest in mind but it is so fun and engaging we all get involved (such as stacking books on some eggs to see how much weight they could hold). Finally, there are learning activities I have planned for my oldest that my youngest can participate in in some way as well-- either the materials might be interesting to her to use in her own way (like linking cubes she was excited to build with when we were exploring 3-D shapes for fourth-grade math), or she can actually do the same activity in a modified way (she draws what she sees outside while W writes poetry about it). Each kid can get different things from a learning activity depending on what stage they are at. Both my kids (like all kids) are more or less mature in various ways. Even though there are standards by grade and I think it's helpful to know them, I've realized age is not such a big deal. I didn't try to have M learn the same things as W when we were working with potential energy, but she could "help" with the experiments and loved playing with the marbles and ramps we built. There is sort of a beautiful completeness in being together even if the goals for each of us are different. Not every learning activity works like this, but I feel I've really won when I find the ones that do.
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| Rocket launch: exciting and educational for all ages |
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| Math |
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| Just-for-fun egg experiments |
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| We can always do art together |
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| Exercise for all |
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| Fun with marbles and ramps |
Obviously homeschool means siblings are home together more, but I pictured them doing different things and competing for one crazed parent's attention all the time and that didn't seem like it would help a relationship. Thankfully I was wrong. W had experienced homeschool solo and homeschool now and he has said more than once that "It's more fun with her here." I've seen their relationship improve over the last few months. I watched them play happily for at least fifteen minutes with squirt guns in the yard this afternoon, chasing each other playfully, hiding behind a tree to defend themselves, running over to the kiddie pool to reload. I did not have to get involved once and even had the wild thought that I could pick up a book and read at that moment and they might not notice. Last summer W would have begged and begged M to play and then squirted her anyway, causing upset. But now, they are in it together and they are actually playing. There's give and take. W slows down to go his sister's speed now because he know that's the only way the game will happen. M is willing to discuss and compromise and is a little braver about things like a squirt of water in the face. They play together sweetly like this so much more often these days. It is partly that M has grown up and is now able to play with others better, period. And it is partly that other social opportunities right now are still quarantine-limited so they depend more on each other than other friends. But I know it is also because they spend the day together, often getting to learn together, and they have a sense of camaraderie from those experiences. They've had the time and practice to develop rhythms of how to be with one another, as well as a better sense of when to leave one another alone. Also by being together more, their relationship and interactions naturally have become more of a priority. When certain things come up, be it hitting or bossing or jumping to conclusions, we can all discuss the core issue and make a plan to try to improve. They of course have their bad moments and harder days, but they've come to know each other better and have more of a relationship that's all their own, and that feels like a hugely positive and unexpected outcome of homeschool.
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| Tea party |
Embrace the mess
Since sometime after becoming a parent, I've been an admirer of other people's decorated, spic and span homes and a little embarrassed of my own. I wanted to read Marie Kondo's Tidying Up but I knew it would just be overwhelming. Shortly after making the decision last spring that we would homeschool this year, I distinctly remember saying to my husband that another benefit of homeschool would be that I would probably be able to help keep the house looking a little nicer. Well, I ate my words because our house is at least as cluttered or more so than it was before. That homeschool book I read, The Brave Learner, actually had an entire section on this, and I read it thinking: Yes! Thank you! The author points out that when you homeschool, your house is very lived-in and it shows. It becomes a workshop and a playroom and a classroom and a cafeteria. She also pointed out-- and I whole-heartedly believe this-- that there were and will be again times in your life when you can prioritize things like dusting and enjoying more delicate furnishings, but while homeschooling your children isn't it. While I admire tidy and I clean up when things get a little too out of hand, I have accepted I am not at a stage in my life when the tidiness of my house is a top priority and I try not to feel like less of a mom/woman/grown-up because of it. I don't feel frustrated by the constant Legos in the living room or the puzzle on the kitchen table or the bits and pieces carpeting the floor around M's art table or the science and art projects crowding the window sills because those things are my life right now. I only have so much energy and I spend most of it with my kids. I also believe that if I always got all the dishes done and the laundry folded and the odd jobs checked off my list before I started on a project, I would literally never get around to anything creative, ever. I'm at peace with the fact that I can't do it all so I embrace the frequent mess that is part of life and learning with kids.
Value unstructured play more
I always knew unstructured play was valuable. I knew how much fun they could have with dress-ups or in the sandbox or just with a big cardboard box. But I also was aware that there were so many fun things to do and I was always actively planning outings or projects for weekends and summers and vacations. But by homeschooling, I spend enough time planning out the "school" stuff and thinking through the smoothest ways to organize our days, so any time beyond that-- in between things and when it's not school time-- is much more open-ended than it used to be. There's a lot more cardboard getting dragged out of the recycling these days, and glue and tape and scissors, and caring for doll babies, and Lego battles, and obstacle courses and games they create for each other, and bicycle jumps in the driveway, and just pretend. Of course, all this unstructured play means more mess (see above) but I love seeing the creative endeavors they get up to on their own, how focused and imaginative and resourceful they can be, and how proud they are of their creations.
Homeschool is social
Homeschool is social (and is very different from quarantine). I felt this was so profound that I wrote an entire post about it a few months ago. We made new connections this year through sports and classes and lessons and volunteering. Both my kids made new friends, as did I because of a new homeschool connection I shared with several moms in our area. I reconnected with old friends and my kids got to know their kids. W still cares about his school friends and talks about them and likes to see them, but homeschooling caused his social world to open up and his definition of a friend to broaden beyond one classroom and one age group. Homeschooling has honestly spurred growth for him socially. Worry about missing out on social opportunities and friendships was one of the distinct concerns on our list when we were considering homeschool. But this has been a year defined by connections, not isolation. The socializing we choose feels like higher quality than the daily being together with classmates that my kids would have had in school. Perhaps any big change leaves in its wake a space for new things to grow and I've certainly found that to be true in terms of friendships and other social interactions.
My kids don't necessarily need me for anything in particular but the moment I pick up the phone they do. So I just avoid making phone calls when they are awake whenever possible. I also rarely go out to dinner with friends but when I do they get mopey before I leave. They feel sad any time either of us parents has to be away for an evening. I always felt badly about this and missed them when I was gone for an evening. But this year I've realized a new take on things like this, with a little help from that same book, Brave Learner, that taught me a couple of other lessons. As a parent, and especially as a homeschool parent, I am one of the main and most important role models for my kids of what it means to be an adult. We can all joke about how adulting is hard or we're sick of it but I realized that's a message to be conscious about and make sure I am not broadcasting to my kids. I want them to enjoy being kids but I don't want them to dread being an adult or think it is all work and no play. I want them to see that I have things I enjoy as a person and things adults do just for fun. I'm more open about the fact that that my husband and I watched a movie after they went to bed the previous night. I try to show them the things I get excited about and not always cave to their wishes when mine differ. I am less hesitant about picking up a book of my own in front of them even though it's unlikely I'll read it more than a moment. Part of what I am teaching them, whether I realize it or not, is an outlook on life and adulthood. I want them to see it as fun and interesting and creative and social, as well as busy. I'm not yet a member of a book club and I haven't picked up any new hobbies lately. I think my girls' nights out once every month or two leave me plenty of room to grow in this area, but being a fun adult for the kids' sake is something I've become aware of and it's fun to work on.