Our Best Writing Unit so Far: How my Fifth Grader Became a Rapper

A few weeks back as we approached the time to begin a new writing unit, I talked with my 10-year-old about the editorial writing I had in mind (I had the idea and lots of resources ready to go from the New York Times's Learning Network) and he was uninspired. He didn't think editorials sounded "that fun." I knew that if we went ahead with it, he'd probably get engaged. But at the same time, I was intrigued by the idea of figuring out what type of writing he would want to work on. Previously this year, W had chosen his topics in writing, but I had picked out all the genres we'd focused on so far: personal narratives, research reports, and fantasy stories. Seeing him have agency and ownership for his own learning is something I love about homeschool, and this seemed like a grand opportunity for that. So we started talking about types of writing, including seriously considering starting a kid blog, but the idea that came out on top for him was writing raps. 

I don't know anything about rap music, and that fact would have prevented me from considering teaching it in the past. But here I am with our story of the incredibly fun rap writing unit he and I created together, and are still in the midst of. (Or, if you want, skip my story and go right to the end to see one of his raps.) 

Why we Chose Rap

We've never listened to rap much as a household; it was hardly on our radar. But last summer, after learning a lot about the American Revolution, W and my husband and I watched Hamilton when it came out on Disney Plus (Hamilton is the reason we acquired Disney Plus), and he's never been the same since. We have listened to the soundtrack probably hundreds of times. He enjoys memorizing his favorite songs and quotes them all the time. He regularly asks me what a particular word or phrase means from one of the songs-- they songs are so rich, packed with details-- and we often research to fully understand. Hamilton was the sum total of the experience he had ever had with rap or hip hop, but its words were crafted in ways that fascinated him, so it was the inspiration for this unit. 

Our Mentor Text Chose Itself

It's always good to expose kids to the genre of writing that they are going to be doing by reading a variety of it. I think it's also important to choose one mentor text to examine that you can get a lot of mileage out of. (Focusing on one example text is also an opportunity to choose depth over breadth, which I try to make one of our homeschool mottos.) In this rap writing unit, choosing the right mentor text wasn't an issue; the mentor text was of course Hamilton as a whole but in particular W chose the first song of the play: "Alexander Hamilton." 

I'm sure most people have seen Hamilton at this point, but for those who haven't, just to give a taste, it begins with a spoken 37-word question: 

          "How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the 

          middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence impoverished in 

          squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?" 

W already had the song memorized, and was in awe of this opening sentence, especially, and went around the house saying it constantly (so much so that his 5-year-old sister also goes around the house saying it sometimes, thankfully saying some of the words wrong and not understanding what they mean). When W asked, I was able to gloss over the definition of "whore" and told him I'd explain more when he's older, but he had analyzed and understood all the other references within. The song is incredibly crafted and I thought it was cool that W admired it so much. The writing level of it was certainly far above what I figured he'd be able to create when he took a stab at writing rap, but it was rich example for him to look up to and attempt to approximate. 

Teaching

Knowing he had his mentor text internalized, I spent a couple of days of writing time with him trying to help him learn a little bit of basic background about how rap got started, about rap/hip hop as a structure of writing with verses and hooks (choruses), and as a culture. The latter was another reason I felt good about choosing this as a unit; rap introduces him to a culture very different than the one he's grown up in. We watched several interviews with Lin-Manuel Miranda, creator of Hamilton, who W knows about and idolizes more than he ever has any other famous person (W predicts, "There will definitely be a Who Is...? book about him!"). We learned what we could about his creative processes. We watched a few YouTube videos and read a few blog posts dissecting the way rap works in Hamilton. We learned about the importance of rhyming but also the different types of rhyming rappers use, beyond perfect rhyme; this was key.

I was surprised how lucrative my Google search was when I first sat down to gather ideas and resources for this unit. Here were some useful ones:

Resources we used for Our Rap-Writing Unit

• Beats: This lesson included, along with some basic good background information about rap, five different music tracks for students to choose from as beats to go along with their rap. The idea is that they can choose a beat, then write to match it, playing it as they test out their rap.
• More Beats: This link also has around twenty beats to choose from to accompany your rap as you write it or perform it.
• Rap Knowledge/History: Video of DJ Grand Wizard Theodore, inventor of the scratch and needle drop commonly used in rap songs.
• Types of Rhyme: The first page of the rap worksheet included in this lesson (same site as first bullet) was helpful as well, as it gives a list of types of rhyme and other literary devices used in rap.  
• Exploring our Mentor Text: Harvard interview where Lin-Manuel Miranda discusses history, hip-hop, and playwriting. 
• Exploring our Mentor Text: Compelling, four-minute PBS video comparing Miranda and Shakespeare. 
• Exploring our Mentor Text: Informational/analysis video about how rap works in Hamilton. (There are also parts 2 and 3 in this video series if interested.)
• General Teaching Suggestions: I myself used some basic background information to guide our conversations and give suggestions for how to write a rap, like this guidance from a music teacher, and this Flocabulary page, and this how-to, but I didn't force W to strictly follow all the steps or rules from any of these. 
• Idea List: I reminded him of a good habit for any type of writing-- keep a list of topic ideas in his notebook to refer to. He has various people and activities, interests and more on this list to go to when he's not sure what to rap about next. 
• Dictionaries, Thesauruses, and other Tools: He often has his dictionary and/or thesaurus handy (interestingly, I bought the kids' thesaurus before this school year began, but it was in writing rap that he has really used it and appreciated it). I also found this online rhyming dictionary. I never knew such a thing existed, but it's really neat: you type in a word and get a list of words that rhyme and almost rhyme. I think it actually slows W down to use it and he prefers to think up his own wording and rhymes, but occasionally, as when he was trying to rhyme with pirate, it's a good tool to know about.   

After a couple days of digging in and getting to know rap/hip hop, he was itching to go, so I let him leap in and try his hand at it. He's been having a lot of fun with it. In the first couple weeks, he rapped a tribute to our dog for his birthday, wrote a rap for his aunt in her birthday card, he rapped about quarantine, the Revolutionary War, Ulysses S. Grant, and about the characters of one of his favorite novels (Ranger's Apprentice). 

Planning and Process

I've learned to talk very little at the start of a writing period, then let W go and give him plenty of space. Occasionally I check in on him, and he is super focused, tapping and clapping and whisper rapping to himself to test out how his work in progress sounds. He works really hard at the rhymes. He's always loved word play since he was little, including rhyming, so maybe that part comes to him fairly naturally. But inspired by Hamilton songs, and some other things he's read, he plays around often with "near rhymes," words that don't actually rhyme, but the emphasis or vowel sounds are close enough that it works effectively, or with rhyming not with an entire other word but instead with a phrase or with a syllable, or with parts of consecutive words. See these examples, both from the line quoted above from "Alexander Hamilton": the last two syllables of forgotten nearly rhyme with spot in; providence seems to rhyme with impoverished.    

For other types of writing, he has come to love drafting on the computer. He is efficient at typing now and it makes it easy to edit and revise at every stage. But I think poetry, which rap essentially is, feels easier to draft on paper, to see it concretely and play around with rhymes without getting bogged down with lots of computer formatting. W felt the same and wanted to draft his raps on paper. Not only that, but interestingly, he feels strongly about writing his raps on blank copy paper. He says lined paper makes him feel limited. He feels more free and open to anything on blank. He writes on the paper, in a way that appears to be prose, filling each line before sweeping back to start the next, and he underlines the words or word parts that rhyme to help them pop out and see the pairs (see example at the end of this post). He says underlining it also makes it simpler for him to read with the right beat and emphasis when he speaks the rap aloud. He has figured out his own creative process that works for him.

I leave him alone unless he asks for help. If I talk to him unsolicited, it generally interrupts his thinking. Not every day is amazing output, but that's being a writer, isn't it? I know it's been a good day when he comes to snack afterward saying, "I want to read this to you." I try to give him really specific feedback in small doses, about what I love, or what I thought worked really well, as well as ideas for polishing or for what's next. 

More Rap Inspiration Along the Way

He is more self-driven in this writing unit than I have ever seen him before. I am only helping to maintain the enthusiasm and interest he has at this point. Every day or two or three, as needed, I challenge him to try a certain technique or feed him a little more inspiration to keep him going. We've enjoyed a few other rap songs together. I once heard an author (I can't remember who!) say in an interview that it was key to read a lot, and that whatever author they were currently reading, they tended to temporarily imitate and write in the style of, such was the effect of the writing around them. I have certainly seen this effect on W with the rap we listen to. For a time, he was writing highly amusing little raps full of family humor. One day we listened to the audio of "Gangsta's Paradise" (and this kiddie cover of it, just for fun), and that was the day that the intense rap conveying his serious love for skiing poured out of him (see below). A week or so later, I showed him the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song and he was immediately telling stories through rap and including back-and-forth conversations in them. He said just the other day that he feels when we listen to a song just before he writes it gets him really ready and in the zone to create his own rap.  

 

Sharing

Having kids share their writing in an authentic way with a real audience is always important, in showing them their writing has purpose, and as a celebration. As I said, we do writing in the morning and he often shares it with me when he's done, especially if he is pleased with it. But he also often brings his latest to the table at lunch time and stands up to perform it for his dad and sister as well. I love these lunch time raps. While we are not a big or public audience, we are certainly an appreciative one. He's shared his raps as gifts. And, he's so excited about and proud of his rapping that he has not only given me permission, but has been asking me to share here on this blog one of his favorite raps that he wrote, about skiing. I have a photo of it below the way he drafted it, then the same rap typed up, and finally, since rap, like poetry is meant to be heard, I wanted to include a video of him performing his rap...but he wanted to make an audio recording of it instead and use it as the soundtrack to some videos of himself skiing. So that is below as well. 

W's Skiing Rap in Draft Form: 

W's Skiing Rap, Typed:

          I’m smashin’ through the powder on the side of a mountain
          An’ my miles per hour nobody wants to be countin’

          Hey I’m on a double black diamond
          and if you’ll watch me you’ll see that I’m flying
          Watchin’ me go down, you’ll also see that gravity’s lyin’

          Goin’ through the trees
          with the powder to my knees
          Any calm or serenity that used to have existed
          Is smashed into fragments as my legs work like pistons

          The sounds of my edges shreddin’ the hillside
          are echoing back like an ocean tide

          I’m like the fiercest of banshees,
          Setting off miniature avalanches

          Hey I’m on a double black diamond,
          And if you watch me, you’ll see that I’m flying

          I don’t need no groomer,
          Without one I’m still an adept zoomer

          As I get closer to the bottom of the mountain
          Snow is spurting out behind me like a fountain

          I flit through the last of the trees
          My twin tips looking proudly back on the marks they made on the permafreeze

          I hockey stop just right,
          Then I’m immersed in a cloud of white

          As I hop on the chairlift, I realize that I liked that run.
          It really was fun.

W's Skiing Rap, Performed as Soundtrack to this Video:

"Any calm or serenity that used to have existed / Is smashed into fragments as my legs work like pistons"-- who is he?? Personally, I've moved past Hamilton and this is now the line I have stuck in my head on repeat. I was so impressed by this piece! I know he put his all into every word and the effect he was trying to create; I was reminded how the economy and musicality with words that poetry requires, and rap apparently, and other short writing formats, is so powerful to do with kids.

What's Next for the Rest of this Year in Writing

This rap writing "unit" has emboldened me, more than I already was as a homeschool parent. If I can teach rap, then anyone can teach anything-- by asking and noticing the types of things kids really want to write, doing some research, being flexible and willing to work out the plan as you go, giving support but plenty of space to experiment.  

I don't know what's next for us after this in writing! And for the first time in my life as a teacher or homeschool parent, that's a beautiful thing. When rap starts to feel like it is winding down, we will talk about what he's interested in and we'll decide together. Maybe I will help him start his own blog. Maybe he'll write some Lego reviews or write and produce history videos. Maybe he'll write some historical fiction. So little time, so many exciting options for writing for a kid his age. I like seeing him empowered to recognize his interests and help make choices for what he will spend his time on. Whatever genre of writing he does next, I know he will continue to grow and mature as a writer. 

Family Game Night

Family game night. This is a new tradition we've started lately, on Sundays after dinner.

It's so exciting that our kids are at ages that it's even possible to play a game all together. We own a lot of games, but usually in the past they’ve been mostly specific to one kid or the other (Don't Break the Ice with M, Chess with W, that sort of thing).

I like having a built-in time to play games, because the week gets busy (even as homeschoolers) with schoolwork and other activities and sometimes I feel like we don't play games often enough! Plus, we have a few games that only really work as intended with four or more players so it has been nice to give those some use.

We try to mix it up from week to week as far as what type of game(s) we play and who gets to pick. Some games are a little hard for M, but we can either adapt it for her, or let her play with one of us on a team. Some games are a little young for W, but he inevitably still gets into it and finds joy in hoping to beat the rest of us.

There are tons of benefits to playing games with kids, besides it being nice time as a family-- developing logic, strategy, thinking ahead and planning, organization, academic skills, communication, teamwork, motor skills (oh, card shuffling!). Even the simplest, least strategic games like Candy Land are good practice following a given set of rules and being a good sport about the outcomes. (Getting kicked back to start repeatedly in a game of Sorry this past weekend was almost more than M could handle, but she got through it. Side note: we learned a game of Sorry can go on a long while with four people playing...)

The kids each have their own individual favorites besides those mentioned below (W is in love with Stratego, for example). But here are some of our favorite games (so far) that work pretty well for all of us to play together.

Favorite Family Games

• Scrabble M can't spell all the words conventionally, but she comes up with ideas based on the letters she has and we help her the rest of the way.
• Memory We own various versions but we've always liked I Never Forget a Face, which has nice thick, sturdy cards and shows faces of children from different countries.  
• Go Fish/Old Maid
• Apples to Apples Junior, Kids Against Maturity, Kids Create Absurdity All three are variations where players choose a card to fill in a blank and one player picks what they find the funniest result. These games are good for laughs-- and have plenty of potty humor.
• Codenames We just have to check that M knows what all the words on the board mean before starting. We’re excited that having four players allows us to play this clever game.
• Qwirkle Simple concept using wooden tiles in six different colors and shapes, yet challenging for all ages, and one of the prettiest games to play.
• Pretty Pretty Princess It's nice to have some quick, silly games in the mix so it isn't all serious.
• Candy Land
• Sorry
• Pictionary Junior
• Charades
• Animal Trivia Challenge
• The World Game Geography game that is challenging, but you can somewhat adapt the level of challenge for each player so M essentially only needs to guess which continent a country is on, while W could try to identify the flag and other facts.
• Sequence for Kids We love the regular Sequence as well. But this version, that we've had since W was three, uses animals and is one of the best "junior" versions of a game in our opinion and we all enjoy it. 

What are your favorite family games?

Quarantine Round-Up: Family Records from an Unusual Year

It is hard to believe it has been a year since last March when so much about our daily lives changed. It makes me think about the passage of time and how quickly it slips through your fingers. 

The other night as W and M erected a blanket fort as I prepared dinner, it occurred to me that they've never made so many forts before. Lately it feels like they make a fort almost every week-- so much so that Santa got them a second box of Crazy Forts connector pieces at Christmas time to help them build bigger and better structures! I'm sure we all have our own unique experiences, and, for better or worse, our kids will be telling their tales of this year their whole lives. 

Beyond the number of forts built, here are some other things that stand out for our family about this year.

This year definitely marked for us the least of some things:

• Number of times dining out in restaurants (0)-- we're a little extreme and haven't even had takeout in a YEAR. (We are literally preparing food and it is getting consumed All. The. Time.)
• Number of extended family gatherings.
• Trips or vacations.
• Mileage on our cars.
• Birthday parties.
• Camps, organized sports.

But also the most of a lot of things:

• Games and Legos played over video chat.
• Sibling bonding.
• Rusty brake rotors from disuse.
• Puzzles done. There is always one vying for space on our large-but-never-large-enough dining room table, and they seem to get bigger and bigger. 
• Online learning. We've enjoyed instrument lessons via Zoom, Tippi Toes dance classes, and the occasional Outschool class. 
• Virtual concerts watched. We tapped our toes to Hilary Hahn, Natalie MacMaster, and The Trans-Siberian Orchestra from the comfort of our living room.  
• Online trivia nights. We've seen a couple of groups of friends far more often than we would have in normal life, thanks to this. 
• Time spent together as a family.  
• Homemade bread and other new adventures in food (homemade yogurt, African peanut butter stew, homemade sushi, and sourdough: bread, pancakes and waffles, pizza dough, crumpets, biscuits, popovers...)
• Time spent with our dog (which is good because, in his old age he seems to need to go outside more and more times in a day).
• Songs from the Hamilton and Frozen soundtracks listened to, sung, and memorized.
• Connection with nature. We've always liked to be outside and bike and hike and ski, but this year we've forced buds, started seeds, tapped a tree, found and revisited frog eggs, played with milkweed, harvested and drawn on shelf fungi, followed deer and rabbit tracks, searched for antlers, tromped in wetlands, cracked ice sheets from the surface of the freshly frozen brook, studied worms and introduced them to our compost bin, and really gotten to know our own backyard more than ever before. 
• Popsicles consumed (we really got into afternoon popsicles outside as a treat from spring through fall and still have some stashed in our freezer since the warm days ceased).
• Groceries ordered online and delivered straight to my car. I've hardly set foot in a grocery store since July and it's amazing. 
• Skiing and skating and sledding and snowman building in a winter-- this year there is not much else to distract from those things during our weekends and free time.
• Sickness-free for our family personally, for which I feel extremely lucky and grateful. I find it amazing that not one of us has had so much as a sniffle in a year.

What are your standout mosts and leasts you will remember from this unusual year?

Parenting for a Growth Mindset

I love to watch my kids solve problems. 

The other day my daughter's teapot was too hot to touch. Ask Mom to pour? Nooooo. She found some nearby gloves to help her manage it. It reminded me of about a year ago when she couldn’t open the flip top on her toothpaste and figured out that a little orange Lego brick separator was all she needed to get the job done. So she kept one stashed in the bathroom for daily utility. We're often impressed by how resourceful and independent she is in little moments like these. 

I get to observe my two kids and the way they learn every day. Like any two siblings, they're different. This time of year, I've been reflecting on their different approaches when they each were learning to ski. 

My son is now, at 10, what I would call an expert skier, both cross-country or downhill, on all sorts of terrain. He is comfortable and confident on skis, and skiing has become part of his identity and something that he, uncharacteristically, likes to show off. But when he was little and learning to ski, whether on the magic carpet, or out on our favorite cross-country ski trails, he whined and fretted a fair amount. When he fell, he sometimes stayed on the ground for a while, grumbling at us/himself/his skis. He was frustrated and didn't know how to manage the fact that it was challenging, and we felt frustrated too sometimes-- with his attitude. 

He was fragile as a learner of that new skill. He taught us we had to tread lightly, being gentle and encouraging, trying to say just the right things at key moments. We tried to remain calm and react to the stumbles as a normal part of learning (or, often, intentionally not react at all), and point out every little bit of progress to build him up. We knew that with practice he would get better and find it more fun (and he did). We kept going out, doing small amounts we thought he could handle to keep it positive. I don't know the exact moment when he switched from feeling frustrated with skiing to feeling super confident. But it is one of our clearest shining examples, and his, of practice and progress over time and how it can dramatically change your relationship with a skill. As a result, to this day, if he's trying to do something new or hard and we see some frustration, there's a good chance one of us will bring up the topic of skiing.

Teaching M, 5, to ski has been an entirely different experience. M goes fairly slowly and falls plenty, but she either laughs or doesn't miss a beat in conversation while she simply gets back up. She generally is not annoyed or surprised by a fall; there's no big emotions that ensue. If she's stuck in an awkward position, we might need to spend a minute discussing where she should put her feet so that she can stand up, but she patiently listens and tries our advice. If she whines we know it really is time to call it a day, because she so rarely does. She is patient and persistent, plugging along at her own speed. When I bit off a little more than I should have distance-wise on a cross-country loop recently and admitted that as the hours wore on and the sun got lower in the sky, she said, "Mommy, you should look at the map better next time," but she didn't melt into a heap or give up; she just kept going, cheerfully. (When we returned home, W openly said something like, "Wow! If I'd skied five miles at her age I wouldn't have been in a good mood afterward!")  

A few years ago, my fellow teachers and I all read as a book study Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck. My copy has a lot of underlining and scribbled notes in the margins. It made a lot of my observations about how kids are as learners, especially my own children, make sense. The book is based on a lot of research and I strongly recommend it to any parent or teacher. The big idea is that all people have either a growth mindset or a fixed mindset (or something on the spectrum in between). A growth mindset is the belief that you can learn, that you will improve with hard work and practice. A fixed mindset is the belief that your qualities are fixed traits, that we are each born with a certain amount of talent that doesn't change. Each of these have different characteristics and sometimes need to be taught and parented in different ways. 

In learning to ski, my two kids had different mindsets: M had more of a growth mindset, while W showed a fixed mindset. My kids aren't always the way they were then; sometimes it's the reverse. W has grown a lot from the little boy who could have an occasional tantrum on skis, and M has plenty of rough days and stubborn moments. But their varying approaches to learning and working, especially when things are not coming easily, have taught me first-hand about the idea of mindset and the difference it can make. Daily I notice their relationship with challenge, the length of time they stick with something on their own before asking for help, their tolerance for frustration, their willingness to take advice, their self talk. I see mindset when one of them encounters a problem whose solution isn't immediately obvious, or when I set out to present a brand new concept to one of them in math. 

Here are some of the differences discussed in the book that can often be seen with the two mindsets:

Characteristics of a Fixed Mindset

• Belief in fixed traits and natural/innate ability (I'm good at math, or, I'm a bad artist, etc.)
• Fixed ability constantly needs to be proven 
• Afraid of challenge
• Afraid of not being smart
• Want to make sure they succeed
• If things get too challenging, they lose interest
• Feel smart when flawless 
• Don't remember the idea of "yet" (either feel they can or can't do something) 
• Failure can be devastating because it affects identity as being good at this or that
• Avoid learning from failure and sometimes focus on bolstering self esteem instead ("At least I'm better than so-and-so...," assigning blame, or making excuses) 
• Need validation of their worth 

Characteristics of a Growth Mindset 

• Belief in changing qualities 
• Belief that ability is changeable and can be developed through learning 
• Enjoy challenge; challenge and interest in something go together 
• Feel smart when learning 
• Think of themselves as simply not knowing how to do something yet
• Failure can be painful, but doesn't define identity
• Feeling of being more determined when things get worse
• Value what they are doing regardless of the outcome 
• Take charge of their own learning and motivation 
• Ask how they can do things, not whether they can do things 

We all have different interests and things we focus on. There are areas of life in which I have more of a fixed mindset, where I give up pretty quickly and leave it to someone more qualified (high-school science topics and broken appliances come to mind), and other areas where I have a growth mindset, where I am more open-minded and have a habit of reading and delving deeper to improve (parenting, teaching, cooking, to name a few). Most of us are in different places along the fixed-growth mindset spectrum in different areas of life. There are also other aspects of who we are that play into how we tackle situations-- disabilities and individual temperament, for example. But mindset is a big piece of it, and a growth mindset be taught. I want my kids to have a growth mindset attitude toward life, to feel that nothing is beyond them if they work at it. I want them to have perseverance and to understand that worthy enterprises aren't usually easy or immediate. Ever since I read Mindset I have been trying to be aware of the things I do as a parent that could help them along the path of these goals, that might foster or help develop a growth mindset. Here are some strategies I have felt to be effective, and some I was reminded of in rereading my underlining in the final chapters of Mindset. 

Strategies for Fostering or Developing a Growth Mindset in Kids 

• If they want to do something themselves, let them. This takes patience, so
• Build time into your routine so you can allow them to spend ten minutes buttoning their own shirt or tying their own shoes in the morning.
• Let them struggle a bit. Don't jump in too soon. If they are focused and actively trying to figure out that tricky word in their book, let them. If on the other hand they skip over the hard word or toss the book aside, that might be the time to offer a hint or a strategy to keep them going. 
• Regularly point out and describe specific, concrete ways they have grown and changed, whether it is the songs they now know how to play on an instrument or how legible their handwriting is. Physical evidence of their own growth in the form of work samples, pictures, or videos from the past is powerful to kids.   
• Celebrate challenge.
• Use the word and concept of "yet" more often, as it showcases the idea that we are all on a path and our abilities aren't fixed. It makes things feel possible and only a matter of time and learning. (I haven't learned to ride my bike yet, but I am getting there; Someday I'll probably like broccoli.) (There are multiple children's books about this concept-- The Magical Yet; The Power of Yet; I Can't Do that, Yet... I haven't read those-- yet-- but I love the idea behind them.) 
• Rather than praising their talent or intelligence (You're such a great gymnast/You're so smart), focus on naming and praising their effort and strategies. 
• When there are achievements to celebrate (trophies, grades, etc.) connect those to the processes that got them there. (You practiced your spelling words every night this week and you got them all right!)  
• Don't label your kids (i.e. This one's the artist, This one is the scientist).
• Treat mistakes as expected and as opportunities for learning.
• Talk about the new things you are always learning, and model not giving up on things easily in your own enterprises.
• Model seeing your own mistakes honestly, taking feedback, and changing your strategies; tell stories about things that are easier for you now because of your hard work.
• When they struggle, whether with friends or shyness or with learning a particular skill, share your stories of struggle and how you got through it and how it turned out.  
• Talk about your own fixed-mindset areas when they present themselves, and how you are working on them. 
• Give kids regular honest and constructive feedback, both so it will help them improve and because it will cause them to become accustomed to feedback and not see it as negative or as an attack on their character. 
• Dweck writes, "Research shows that normal young children misbehave every three minutes." Don't let kids feel judgement and punishment during those many moments; see their behaviors instead as part of their normal growth process and as moments to teach. 
• Support their own chosen interests and learning.
• If there is talent they admire or idolize, give them tools and help them see the way to get there. 
• Teach them that connections in their brain get stronger, and brain cells grow, when they learn new things. This gives some literal proof and explanation to the idea that things that are at one point hard can become easy-- and that things always being easy isn't something to celebrate because that indicates they aren't learning. 
• Structure some dinner-table conversation around the growth mindset: What is a mistake that taught you something today? What did you try hard at today?
• Read and discuss books with themes of perseverance, hard work, strategy-- and growth mindset. There are many but a few picture-book examples I like are: Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty, Everyone Can Learn to Ride a Bicycle by Chris Raschka, The Dot by Peter H. Reynolds, and The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires. 

One of the main themes I see in regard to parenting for a growth mindset is, unsurprisingly, that how we talk to kids-- our words and tone, our reactions and interactions-- matter. (And in trying to have the right words and tone, we'll all mess up, but we can have a growth mindset and keep trying and stick with it!) 

We can try to be patient and admiring when they insist on pouring their milk themselves or retrieving something from the top shelf by using a stool. Initiative, problem-solving, confidence, and stick-with-it-ness matter more than spilled milk in the long run. In so many little moments of every day, we have the opportunity to let them try and not to step in too early, to notice the many failed attempts as they inch closer to a goal, and celebrate their efforts when they keep going. I want a struggle with dividing decimals to be seen honestly for what it is, and not as an indicator that they are not good at math (or that math is stupid) and that they might as well give up. We can try to be the type of parents who don't expect new skills or habits to be mastered right away, so kids too will have realistic expectations of themselves and will come to know that progress comes with time and effort. None of us is permanently messy or neat, a good cook or not, a good student or not, a good athlete or not-- it's all a process. We won't all become the best of the best in every area we explore, but we can all improve from where we begin.